


Gift of the Magus

by Arionrhod, McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Shotgun Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arionrhod/pseuds/Arionrhod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: Severus Snape never expected to find himself facing a shotgun wedding - especially not with himself as the pregnant "bride". The question is, can he learn to trust Remus in order to make their marriage a real one? Set post-war.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2005.

Severus tugged his scarf higher and shoved his hands into the pockets of his heavy wool outer robes as he stepped away from the sheltering safety of the pub courtyard and into the bustle of Diagon Alley. It was a cold, dreary afternoon in November, and Severus resented having to leave the safety of his snug, warm little office at the Ministry. But he was feeling queasy again, and he was running low on the necessary ingredients for the potion he'd been making for the past few months to alleviate the nausea, thus a trip to the apothecary was necessary. 

The brisk wind made his robes flutter and billow, outlining the curve of his belly as he walked against the wind. Hopefully anyone who saw him would think he had gained weight, and he had, but not intentionally. 

Severus Snape was pregnant. 

It was a final gift from Albus, although the baby he carried was not fathered by Albus himself. The meddling old bastard had merely been the catalyst, bequeathing Severus an innocuous seeming artifact in his will along with the cryptic message that he regretted the necessity of leaving Severus alone in the world and that he hoped his final gift would provide Severus with the love and companionship he deserved after all the hardships and sacrifices Severus had endured. 

Severus hadn't known what to make of it at the time; the artifact Albus left him didn't seem to be anything special, just a primitive statue of a rotund, faceless woman. At first, he was insulted, thinking perhaps Albus meant it as a joke, that the statue of a woman was the closest he would ever get to having a companion - and it wasn't even the right gender! Albus knew damned well Severus preferred men. 

Then he grew suspicious and began testing the thing for magical tricks or traps, but while he detected magical residue - powerful magic at that - he couldn't find anything to concern him. It seemed harmless. 

As odd as Albus' sense of humor could be, he wasn't malicious, and Severus had placed the little statue in his bedroom, a bittersweet reminder that his mentor, the only father figure he had known and respected, had cared in spite of the burdens he had placed on Severus' shoulders. 

The war ended, Severus had a fateful and ill-advised celebration during which he brought someone home and had wild, drunken sex, A few weeks later, the morning sickness set in. Now he was single, pregnant, and battling swollen ankles, bizarre food cravings and mood swings, and he was certain that somewhere, Albus Dumbledore was watching with vast amusement. 

Remus breathed deeply of the air of London, air that smelled of dirt and water and humanity and _home_ , blessed home after several months away. He walked toward The Leaky Cauldron in quick strides, eager to see the familiar sights and sounds that he had missed after chasing the remnants of Voldemort's forces across Europe for so long, finally ending up in Albania, where he had the satisfaction of watching the last of the Death Eaters taken into custody by the Ministry of Magic. It was over, finally, fully, and completely, and now Remus was eager to take up his new life, a life that held no threat of war or chaos. 

Nor of poverty, not anymore. Being a "war hero" had certain compensations, ones that Remus had accepted gratefully.

The pub was full of cheerful bustle as he entered, and Tom the barkeep called out a greeting, which Remus acknowledged with a friendly wave. He didn't want to stop, however, for idle chitchat. He had business to attend to, business that had by necessity been left unfinished when he had been requested to aide in the clean up efforts. Business that involved one very stubborn, very snarky git who had occupied his thoughts for far too long.

Brushing off other greetings with a cheerful smile, within a few minutes Remus was striding down Diagon Alley, the wind at his back as he headed toward the Ministry of Magic. It hadn't been too hard to find out where Severus was employed these days, not given that Tonks was - thankfully - still Remus' friend after their brief period of dating had resolved into a mutual decision that it wasn't going to work. Remus hadn't been terribly interested from the start, to be honest, and not only because his preference lay more toward men than women. And Tonks had discovered that quiet, withdrawn academic types were much more interesting to chase after than to actually date.

Then, after Voldemort's death, there had been that night... that one incredible, magical, unbelievable night, when Remus had found himself involved as the more-than-willing subject of a drunken seduction by the most unlikely of people. A night that - even blurred by alcohol - burned in Remus' memory, full of passion and pleasure and a union of two people who on the outside seemed so unbelievably different, but who, within their secret selves, were almost the same. One night in Severus Snape's bed, in his arms, and Remus had been lost for all time. 

Severus, however, hadn't felt the same.

The memory of the morning after rankled, but Remus wasn't going to let that daunt him. Severus might have tossed him out summarily on his ear, but Remus was, in his own quiet way, just as stubborn as the infamous Potions Master. Or he was in matters that were important to him, and in this case, it was quite important to him. Hopefully time and distance had softened Severus' attitude. And, if not, it was up to Remus to try to hasten the process.

A particularly strong gust of wind whipped around the buildings, but that didn't phase Remus. Not when a black-clad figure suddenly seemed to appear before him as though summoned up by his wishful thoughts. Severus, tall, pale, leaning into the wind, robes blown back and clinging his thin body like a second skin. Remus' eyes hungrily drank in the sight, raking over Severus' form and glittering amber with desire. But then Remus stopped, heart thudding in his ears as he noticed something... odd. Something out of place, something unmistakable and yet totally preposterous, holding him paralyzed for a long moment.

Then he was moving, almost without thinking, rushing with lycanthrope speed to take Severus' arm in a firm grip. No doubt Severus would hex him, but Remus didn't care.

"Severus? When... what..." His voice trailed off, but his gaze went to Severus' abdomen, before he raised his head once more and searched Severus' eyes, his own full of questions he didn't even know how to voice.

 _Oh, hell._ Severus wasn't at all pleased to find himself accosted by Lupin, not when he had spent the past five months trying to put their night together out of his mind. Never mind that it had been the most incredible sex of his entire life. Never mind that it had given him a greater sense of absolution and healing than even being publicly declared innocent of treason. Never mind that it had given him a stronger sense of connection to someone than he had ever felt before. He had made an utter fool of himself when he had seduced Remus Lupin, and he refused to be such a fool again. Especially since he'd seen neither hide nor hair of Lupin since the morning after, confirming Lupin's disinterest in him. 

Lupin's gaze had fixed on his abdomen, but with any luck, Lupin would think nothing of it, only that Severus had been enjoying the fruits of a comfortable life. Male pregnancy was an oddity, even in the Wizarding world, limited to very rare documented cases, most of which were grounded in legend rather than reality. Unfortunately, with his background in the Dark Arts, Lupin was as likely to know about those cases as Severus was. Damn it. He could only hope pregnancy wasn't the first thing to spring to Lupin's mind at the sight of him. 

"Oh, it's you." He mustered his coldest, most disdainful sneer. "What do you want?" 

Remus was brought up short and back to reality by the frigid tone of Severus' voice. It acted like a bucket of water thrown over Remus' head, reminding him forcefully of the way Severus had kicked him out of his house the morning after he had seduced Remus and taken him to heaven. But unlike that morning, Remus was prepared for the rejection, and he faced Severus, keeping his expression neutral.

Not speaking, Remus leaned closer to Severus, inhaling deeply of his scent and letting it flow over his senses. His logic told him that it was unlikely that Severus' physical condition could be.... well, what it looked like. But as Remus analyzed how Severus smelled, his instincts told him it was true. Severus was pregnant.

"What do I want?" Remus asked, facing Severus with a straight spine and a direct, implacable gaze that defied Severus to lie to him. "I want to know if I'm the father." 

Bugger! Severus gnashed his teeth, silently damning Lupin and Albus and that fertility statue that had got him in this predicament in the first place. He hadn't counted on Lupin being able to detect the truth by scent, but he supposed the shift in his hormones had caused changes discernible by a keen lupine nose. So much for trying to keep his condition a secret. 

A denial was poised on his tongue; he was a skilled liar, able to tell bald-faced lies while gazing straight into someone's eyes thanks to long years of practice. But the words wouldn't come, and as he looked down at Lupin, he knew he had hesitated too long. A quick denial would have been plausible, perhaps thrown Lupin off-guard long enough for Severus to get away, but he had waited too long, and he wondered why he hadn't snapped out a retort straight away. Perhaps, he thought, part of him _wanted_ Lupin to know the truth. That thought only angered him more, but whether it was aimed at Lupin or himself, he wasn't certain. 

Resting both hands protectively on the rounded curve of his belly, he gave a terse nod. "Yes, you are." 

There had never been any doubt about that; he hadn't been with anyone for years before Lupin, and he hadn't been with anyone since. There was no other candidate for his child's paternity, much as he might wish it was not so. 

Remus drew in a quick breath of surprise. He wasn't certain if it came more from Severus' acknowledgment of his paternity, or from the sudden, overwhelming thought that he was going to be a father. Then it struck him, full in the face.

He was going to be a father. Severus was pregnant with _his_ baby.

The wolf rose up, fierce, strong, protective, and absolutely gleeful at the thought. Remus' eyes flashed, and he had to withhold the impulse to sweep Severus into his arms and kiss him senseless. A baby. _Their_ baby.

"Good," Remus said, looping an arm through Severus' in such a way that Severus couldn't throw him off. "Well, I guess it works out that I got that settlement from the Ministry, isn't it? Since I'll have a child and a spouse to support."

With an indignant squawk, Severus tried - and failed - to tug his arm free, shock and panic flaring up as Lupin's words sank in. " _Spouse_? What the hell are you talking about? This is _my_ baby and _my_ responsibility! I don't expect you to support me - I don't _want_ you to support me. I have a job, and I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my child. I don't need you. You've done quite enough already!" 

"It seems I have done quite a bit, which why it _is_ my business," Remus said firmly. "And I know you have more than enough intelligence to realize that it takes two to make a child, which makes it _our_ baby and _our_ responsibility."

Another gust of wind tugged at them, and Remus sighed, pulling Severus out of the middle of the street, suddenly aware that they were having far too intimate of a conversation out in public. Remus had rarely cared about what people thought before, but he found that the thought of their child made him more cognizant of what public opinion might be. Severus, he was certain, was more than willing to tell everyone to go hang; for the sake of their child, however, Remus wanted to keep things private, rather than risk them having an argument in the middle of Diagon Alley for all to hear.

The lee of a building offered both quiet and a shelter from the wind, and Remus drew a breath, steeling himself for the argument he felt certain was in store. Pleading, he knew, wouldn't work on Severus, nor would logical words. Severus would just argue or sneer or threaten to hurl hexes until Remus was gone. That was what had happened before, the morning after the incredible night that had apparently resulted in this miracle they were being given. And Remus wasn't going to let it happen, not ever again.

"You are not kicking me out this time, Severus," Remus said firmly, his voice and gaze brooking no argument. "I am not leaving you alone. I will hound you and harass you and drive you mad until you admit that I have a right and a place with you and our baby. It doesn't matter what you threaten to do, I'm staying."

Stunned into silence, Severus boggled as Lupin dragged him out of the street, away from prying eyes and the sting of the chilly wind, but he rallied, pride and determination spurring him as he drew himself up to his full height and peered down his nose at Lupin. The last thing he wanted was to be trapped in a relationship out of obligation; that wouldn't be good for the child. 

Or for Severus. 

He suspected the attraction he had harbored for Lupin - the attraction that had incited him to lure Lupin into his bed in the first place - would too easily bloom into something more, something that would end up wringing his heart until it was an empty husk as he faced day after day with a "spouse" who didn't care about him and was with him only out of duty to their child. 

"I won't deny you access to the baby," he said at last, recognizing the implacable look in Lupin's eyes. He could fight, but now that Lupin knew about the child, Lupin wasn't going to give up and go away. Severus would have to make some kind of concession, or else Lupin would do exactly as he threatened, and Severus valued his peace too much to endure Lupin harassing him day and night. 

"You fathered it, and I acknowledge your right to be a part of its life," he continued, folding his arms and glaring down at Lupin, a stubborn frown forming between his dark brows. "But that doesn't mean you have a right to be part of mine. You may be the father of my child, but you are _not_ my spouse." 

The glare passed over Remus; he was not going to be swayed. "I want to be your spouse, Severus. You are in this condition because of me, and I want to take care of you, to be there for you." The words were nothing but the utter truth; after all, Remus hadn't wanted to leave, and he had been determined to get back into Severus' life before he knew about the child. Silently Remus thanked the fates for this, not just for the precious gift of a child, but for the perfect opportunity to be with Severus, to show Severus how much Remus cared for him.

Severus wavered, his own desires making him weak and vulnerable to Lupin's persuasiveness; it hadn't been easy for him, and he knew it would only become more difficult as his pregnancy advanced. His pragmatism warned him that single parenthood would be much harder, especially since he still had no idea how he would manage once his "maternity leave" at the Ministry was up. He had no family and no friends who would be willing to look after the child, and while his salary was sufficient to support his little family, it wouldn't cover the cost of a nanny. 

Not to mention, there was a tiny part of him that wanted to believe Lupin. It wanted to believe that Lupin might care about more than just the baby, that Lupin might care about _him_ , but he scorned that thought, knowing it was a foolish one. Lupin didn't care about him, and Lupin's offer was made out of obligation, not affection. 

"Absolutely not," he said, stiffening his spine and his resolve. "I don't need you, Lupin, and I will not take you as my spouse." 

Remus expected an argument, so he was prepared. He could see that Severus wasn't quite as implacable as he had been, and there was still a weapon in Remus' arsenal.

Leaning closer, Remus gave a soft growl. "No? Was the sex that awful, then?" he asked, letting his breath ghost over Severus' ear. "Personally, I thought it was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced in my life. There are benefits beyond just the practical to being wedded, Severus... you'll have me there to rub your back and feet, to fetch and carry for you when you need it. And... other things, too. Anything you can imagine, I can indulge."

Severus' throat went dry, and he repressed a shudder at the hot whisper of breath against his ear. His breath hitched softly when Lupin echoed his own thoughts about the quality of the sex, memories of their night rising up in his traitorous mind. He hadn't been so drunk that he didn't remember the feel of Lupin's hands caressing his bare skin, Lupin's teeth fastening on his throat, Lupin's weight pressing him into the mattress. The alcohol had decreased his inhibitions, making him vulnerable, and he had surrendered to Lupin completely. So completely that it made his skin prickle with embarrassment at the mere thought. 

It was tempting, so very tempting to accept Lupin's offer and let him do... those things. He hadn't known what it was to be taken care of since he was a child; he had taken care of himself from a young age, having no one he could turn to for comfort or care. He had grown accustomed to fending for himself, and he could scarcely imagine what it would be like not to have to shoulder every burden alone any longer. 

But he tipped his chin up with pride, remembering that Lupin was only offering out of duty, and Severus Snape was no one's charity case, no matter if there _was_ fabulous sex involved. 

"No," he said firmly. "I don't need your help, and I don't want it. I told you I would let you be a part of the child's life. That will have to suffice. Now kindly let me be about my business." 

The nausea that had been plaguing him was growing stronger, likely exacerbated by the stressful encounter, and he rubbed his stomach absently in a futile attempt to soothe it; he would have to buy something for the nausea - inadequate swill as it would likely be - as well as the necessary ingredients so he could brew something this evening when he went home. 

"No," Remus said, giving Severus' arm a warning squeeze. Apparently emotion wouldn't sway Severus; no doubt he would say he didn't want to be cared for, so Remus pushed on, hoping to steamroller Severus, catch him off-guard. "Besides, you have to think of what is best for the baby, Severus. You seem to be acknowledging that I won't be a miserable father, if you're willing to let me have a part of the child's life. But you have to think beyond that, too. I'm a werewolf; what if something were to happen to you? They would take the child, put it in foster care and never let me near it again."

Remus paused, swallowing painfully before continuing. "But if you were my legal spouse, bound to me, and I to you, they couldn't do that. I know the law, Severus. The Ministry appreciates what I did in the war, and what I have been doing since then. But public opinion hasn't changed concerning lycanthropes. Unless we have a legal bond between us, the law will say I have no rights to our child. Please, Severus. It's the right thing to do. Then I can take care of you and the baby, no matter what happens."

Severus froze, shock and fury at war within him. Damn it! He hadn't even thought about what might happen to the child if he died, which wasn't out of the realm of the possible even though he was still young by Wizarding standards and in good health. He could have an accident or become ill; he couldn't count on remaining in good health, not when it came to the welfare of his child. 

He curved his arms around his stomach protectively at the mere thought of his child being taken away and put in some orphanage, or worse, in a foster home where it would be tormented because of its parentage. As much as he loathed admitting it, Lupin was right. Unless he wanted his child to suffer in the event of his death, he needed to establish legal ties to Lupin, and there was no better or stronger means of doing so than through marriage. 

"All right," he whispered hoarsely, blood draining from his face and bile rising in his throat as he agreed to take on another set of shackles out of obligation and duty. That seemed to be the theme of his life, he thought mirthlessly: forming bonds with men who only wanted him for what he could provide them. "I'll do it. For the sake of the baby." 

Remus relaxed slightly as Severus gave in, but the way Severus reacted caused him no small twinge of guilt. Still, it was for the best, and Remus had to hold firm. Everything he spoke was the truth, after all; and losing Severus _or_ their child was unacceptable as far as Remus was concerned.

"You won't regret it, Severus, I promise," he said, voice gentle. "And I mean to take care of you. Not just for the sake of the baby, but because you deserve it."

Severus' face was pale, and Remus decided that enough was enough for now. "You don't look well. Shall I Apparate you home? Or would it be better to take the Floo?"

"No." Severus drew the tattered remains of his pride around himself and tried to move away from Lupin, determined to fulfill the errand he had set out on to begin with, a small way of getting his life back under his control again after finding himself thrown for such an unexpected loop. "I'm fine. I need to go to the apothecary and then get back to work." 

He paused and then added, "Marriage was your idea, so you can damned well make all the arrangements. Keep it simple. I don't want fuss or attention brought to this... union." 

The snark was back in full force, and Remus didn't know whether to sigh in resignation or push Severus back against the wall and kiss him until Severus realized that Remus meant every word he said. But it was obvious Severus wasn't feeling well, and so Remus merely nodded. He had gotten the concession he needed out of Severus; for now, it would have to be enough.

"All right, then," he said, smiling at Severus. With a final squeeze he released Severus' arm. "I will make the arrangements, then I will come to your house to tell you about them this evening. Simple it will be, as you request." What Remus did not say was that he had no intention of it being a quick, emotionless affair, either. This would be, he knew, his one and only marriage, and he had realized for months that he had been falling in love with Severus. 

An imp of humor rose in Remus, thinking that it usually was the groom, not the pregnant "bride", who had to be forced into a shotgun wedding. Be that as it may, Remus would do right by Severus. Severus deserved better than a few hurried words in an office somewhere, then off home as though it had never happened. Whether Severus realized it or not.

* * *

Remus stood on the steps of the Ministry, waiting with patience in the chilly air for Severus to arrive. It was their wedding day, and Remus found that even with the circumstances being as they were, he looked forward to it with a sense of excitement. He and Severus, starting a life together, with a child they had made between them. Remus had never thought he would have the opportunity to have a family, a real family the way that other people did; the thought that it was happening, left him unable to begrudge the circumstances.

The wind blew, swift and hard, whipping Remus' new robes about his legs but not penetrating the thick fabric. The dark blue garments were the best that Remus had ever owned, and he didn't mind the expense. He didn't want Severus to look at him and see the past, a shabby werewolf living in poverty who couldn't aspire beyond second best in anything, not even his own wedding. No, Remus wanted Severus to look at him and see the future; a bright, hopeful future, one that they could build together. A new life, free of the burdens of the past.

There were new robes for Severus as well, in deep, jewel-toned green with silvery buttons. The colors were ones that Remus was certain Severus would like, given what Remus had seen Severus wear at Hogwarts, and Remus had chosen them to honor Severus, to show him that Remus _would_ care for him. Hopefully Severus wouldn't decide to throw them back in Remus' face.

If Severus even showed up at all.

Severus approached the Ministry with trepidation, every step taking him closer to the place where his life would be joined with Lupin's. He had never expected to marry, resigning himself to a life of bachelorhood and single parenthood, and suddenly all his preconceptions about his life had been turned upside down. He was about to be married, and he would be sharing the load of parenthood with someone else. 

Albus' final wish had indeed come true in a way: he wasn't going to be alone in the world, and he would have companionship. With any luck, the child would love him, but Lupin... Well, that was a different matter. 

He hadn't slept all night, his mind reeling with too much activity to let him sleep. Instead, he had paced the floors for a couple of hours before finally deciding to do something useful, and he cleared out some space in his wardrobe and dresser for Lupin. It was an unfortunate necessity that Lupin would have to share his bedroom since he had already converted the one and only guest room in his small house into a nursery. 

He had considered not showing up, of course. He could have fled the city - fled the country, for that matter. But Lupin's point about the child's fate if something should happen to Severus stayed him. As little as he wanted this marriage, he wasn't selfish enough to risk his child's welfare for his own comfort. He would find a way to manage; he always had. 

Grim-faced, he joined Lupin on the steps, a cursory glance showing him that Lupin had dressed up for the occasion, and he smoothed his palms over his plain black work robes, refusing to feel embarrassed because he hadn't worn anything nicer for this sham of a wedding. 

"Let's get this over with," he said, his tone implying he was about to be sent to his execution. 

Remus couldn't help the breath of relief he drew when he saw Severus approaching. Severus hadn't gone back on his word, and the marriage would take place. Everything else beyond that, Remus knew that he could handle. It would take time, and patience, and care, but Remus had all three of those at his disposal. He could be patient, and hopefully it would win Severus in the end.

"Hello, Severus," he said quietly, taking Severus' arm and leading him up the stairs with tender concern. He opened the door of the building for Severus, escorting him and out of the wind. The marble halls were empty; Remus had been able to set the time of the wedding for past the normal workday for most Wizards, in deference to Severus' feelings. 

Amber eyes were bright, and Remus' cheeks were pink with cold. "I'm glad you're here. Everything is ready for the marriage; everything, that is, except you." With that, Remus reached into his pocket, removing and unshrinking the robes he had bought for Severus and extending them with a smile. "I thought... well, a new start, you know. You deserve something nice for our wedding day. Something to show you that I think this day is special. That _you_ are special."

Severus glanced around furtively as they walked inside, glad not many people were about. He had worked as usual - or tried to, at any rate. He hadn't succeeded in getting much done, and he had finally given up and left early, hiding amid the stacks in Flourish & Blotts for the rest of the afternoon, trying to find books with useful information on married life. He would be damned, however, if he did as one book suggested and greeted Lupin at the door wearing nothing but strategically placed dragon scales to spice up their sex life. 

Heat bloomed in his cheeks when Lupin presented him with the new robes, and he glanced down, uncertain how to respond to the gift. He wasn't accustomed to receiving gifts, and he had certainly never been called "special". Considering the occasion, he knew he probably shouldn't sneer and fling the robes back in Lupin's face although it was his first impulse. Lupin was trying to cozen him with gifts and sweet words, perhaps in an effort to make it less of an ordeal for both of them, and while he wasn't fooled for a moment, he decided not to argue or make a scene. 

Instead, he accepted the robes with a terse nod and went off to find a place to change. The robes fit well, and he grudgingly admitted that Lupin had done well in choosing the color. If he wasn't wearing black, he preferred green and silver to show that he was still very much the proud Slytherin. He shrank his black robes and tucked them away in his pocket, and then he smoothed the front of his new robes, caressing the bump beneath them that was the cause of this entire mess. 

"Annoying brat," he murmured, caressing the bump affectionately. "Only for you would I do this. You'd damned well better appreciate it." He felt a swift kick against his palm, and a slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth in spite of his anxiety. 

Drawing in a deep, steadying breath, he exited the loo and rejoined Lupin, resigned to his fate. 

"You look wonderful," Remus said, smiling widely at the sight of Severus, who looked handsome in Remus' eyes. Remus offered his arm, then led Severus toward meeting hall where they were to be married.

Severus had specified simple, but that, to Remus, didn't mean that it couldn't be elegant as well. He had enlisted the aide of a few choice people, and so as he opened the door for Severus, they were greeted by soft candlelight from several freestanding sconces placed down the aisle of the hall. Severus didn't seem the floral type, so Remus had settled for boughs of evergreen and aromatic herbs, which scented the air with lush fragrance. Two banners draped the central table which stood at the end of the room, one for Gryffindor, and one for Slytherin, with intertwined ribbons of scarlet and green laid atop them.

There were few other people in the room, but they all turned to smile at Severus. Filch and Sinistra, Professors Vector and Madams Pince and Hooch, along with Filius Flitwick stood, waiting expectantly for their arrival. Near the table, on the side where Severus would stand, Minerva McGonagall waited, while Madam Pomfrey - who had always been a favorite of Remus' since childhood - waited on Remus' side. Not many people, not by any means, but ones that Severus had known for years and who had forgiven him, perhaps come to respect or like him again - and, Remus hoped fervently - whom he respected in return.

"Shall we, then?" he asked quietly, sliding his hand into Severus' and leading him forward, to where Under Minister Bartleby waited for them, smiling in his own turn. "It will all be over soon, Severus, and then we can begin our new life. Our life together."

Severus froze when he entered the hall and saw not only decorations that could be for no other occasion than the wedding about to occur, but familiar faces as well. Some of his former colleagues were there, people he hadn't seen or spoken to in a long time. They were there for Lupin's sake, no doubt, but even if they didn't forgive him for the things he had done during the war, at least they didn't seem to bear him any ill will now that the truth regarding his absolute loyalty to Albus was a matter of public record. 

As Lupin led him down the aisle, he drew himself up proudly, determined not to show any cracks in his armor. He hadn't been expecting an audience, and he was surprised Lupin wanted witnesses to the event, but they were here, and if anyone dared to mock his condition, they would regret it. 

He was surprised that Lupin had bothered to make such an effort - inviting guests, buying new robes, putting up decorations. What the devil was Lupin up to? he thought with an annoyed scowl. He'd got what he wanted: Severus had agreed to marry him so he would have legal rights where the child was concerned. There was no need to put on a song and dance, because Severus didn't expect this to be anything more than a marriage of convenience. He had no illusions or expectations, thus Lupin's efforts to make this appear to be something more than what it was were unnecessary. 

Still, at least Lupin had the good sense not to decorate with flowers; the evergreen and herbs were far more appropriate, and the room did look nice bathed in candlelight, the air filled with the fresh scent of the greenery. And at least Lupin had represented _both_ their Houses, he thought grudgingly. This wasn't entirely a Gryffindor affair, thank God, and Potter was nowhere in sight. Perhaps Lupin wasn't a complete dunderhead after all. 

Lupin's hand warmed his fingers, bloodless and chilled from sheer nerves, and he didn't try to tug his hand free of Lupin's grasp, not wanting to be rude in front of the guests. No need to illustrate to everyone how much of a sham this was, he thought. They were indeed about to begin a new life together, but Severus rather thought it wasn't customary to feel a sense of impending doom at the idea. He lifted his free hand and rested it on his stomach, reminding himself of why he was doing this, and that allowed him to face the officiating minister with some semblance of calm. 

Severus' scent spoke of nervousness, clear enough to Remus despite the overriding fragrances of the greenery. He smiled, squeezing Severus' hand, and in a few short moments, they stood before Minister Bartleby, with the onlookers smiling for them. Remus had taken care to inform them of Severus' condition, and no one stared unduly - which was just as well for Remus' continued survival, he was sure.

"Welcome, friends, on this felicitous occasion," Minister Bartleby said, looking between Severus and Remus with an indulgent smile. "The certificate, if you please?"

Remus nodded, reaching into his robes and producing the special license he had obtained for their marriage. Minister Bartleby looked it over, then nodded in turn at seeing everything was in order. When he spoke again, his voice was solemn, as befitted the seriousness of the ceremony. 

"This place in which you are now met has been duly sanctioned according to law for the celebration of marriages," he intoned, not needing to look at his book. "Before you are joined in matrimony I have to remind you of the solemn and binding character of the vows you are about to make. A marriage according to the law of this country is the union of one person with another voluntarily entered into for life for the exclusion of all others."

Turning to look at Remus, Bartleby spoke again. "Repeat after me. I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Severus Snape, to be my lawfully wedded spouse."

Remus took both of Severus' hands in both of his and smiled into Severus' eyes. His voice was sure and steady, as he repeated the words, making them the vow they were intended to be.

"I, Remus John Lupin, take you, Severus Snape, to be my lawfully wedded spouse."

Severus swallowed hard at the official's words, a flare of panic rising within him as it was brought home that he was entering into a lifelong commitment; once this ceremony was over and the papers signed, he would be bound to Lupin for the rest of his life. The thought was terrifying and overwhelming, but he had no choice if he didn't want to risk his child's welfare. 

His hands were icy cold in Lupin's, and he wasn't certain his voice would work properly when the official bade him to repeat the vow in his turn. Fortunately, the words came out audibly, if not with such certainty as Lupin's. 

"I, Severus Snape, take you, Remus John Lupin, to be my lawfully wedded spouse." 

Remus' smile widened, even if Severus' words weren't quite as forceful as he would have preferred. Severus had said them, and that was all that really mattered.

"Have you rings?" Bartleby asked, and Remus blinked, having almost forgotten about them in the wonder of hearing Severus repeat the vows.

"Yes, yes we do," Remus said, looking over at Minerva and flushing slightly. The older witch grinned, then opened her hand to reveal two gleaming bands of platinum. Remus had had them engraved that morning, and he had been relieved that he could have them in time for the ceremony. They were plain, but they gleamed richly in the candlelight. Remus wanted to wear a token, a symbol that would show Severus that Remus was as bound to Severus as Severus was to him. Something that Severus could also wear to remind him that Remus would be there for him, always and forever.

Releasing Severus' left hand, Remus reached past him to Minerva, taking the ring with the smaller circumference. Taller than he Severus might be, but Severus had elegant, slender fingers. Holding Severus' gaze, Remus took Severus' left hand in his left hand, then slid the ring slowly, carefully onto his fourth finger. 

No more words were required for the ceremony, but Remus spoke anyway. "I promise to cherish you and care for you and our child forever, Severus. Every time you look at this ring, I want you to remember that."

Lupin's words brought a flush to Severus' cheeks, and it was on the tip of Severus' tongue to snap at Lupin, to tell him to stop putting on a show for the benefit of his friends, but he didn't utter the words. He was too captivated by the sight of the ring on his finger, a sign that he was now bound to Lupin. It wasn't as if he had suitors lined up outside his door, but now even the possibility of _choosing_ his partner was gone. He was bound to Lupin by fate and the whimsy of a meddling old wizard who would be getting a piece of Severus' mind for this if they met in the afterlife. 

Well, there was nothing for it now, he thought as he turned and took the second ring from Minerva, trying to avoid eye contact in case he saw dislike, disdain, or worse, pity in her eyes. He didn't say anything as he slid the ring onto Lupin's finger; his mind was blank, no words rising to his lips, and he doubted he would be able to voice them anyway. The rings gleamed in the candlelight, and Severus released a slow, silent sigh as he gazed down at them, feeling an odd sort of peace stealing over him. It was done now, and there was no going back. 

For better or for worse, he was married to Remus Lupin.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus unlocked the front door of his small, snug house at Spinner's End and opened it, stepping inside and feeling a bit of relief to be at home, in familiar surroundings. Although the neighborhood was nothing to speak of, Severus took pride in his home now that he lived here full time; every room was tidy, furnished with dark wood and rich jewel tone upholstery. The wood floors were adorned with tasteful Oriental rugs, and when they entered, the fireplaces sprang to life to take the chill out of the air. 

There were a few paintings of landscapes, but Severus wasn't much one for displaying photographs or personal knickknacks, mainly because he didn't have any. There were, however, no shortage of bookshelves in his house, and most of them were stuffed full. He had managed to clear some space on them for Lupin, knowing Lupin would likely be bringing a small collection of his own books. 

"The master bedroom is upstairs, first door on the left," he said as he closed and locked the door behind Lupin. "I've made room for you if you want to unpack now. If you want tea, I have Earl Grey and Cinnamon." With that, he headed for the kitchen to make the tea, feeling a strong need for fortification. 

Remus looked around quickly as they entered Severus' house. He had been here before, of course, last night when he had told Severus about the arrangements for the wedding. He had also been here some five months ago, the night that Severus had seduced him with so much skill, and they had made love with such wild abandon. The night their child had been conceived, leading them to this moment.

It seemed different to Remus' eyes now, however. Now it wasn't "Severus' house", but _their_ home. The place where Remus would spend the rest of his life, where their child would be raised. That made him gaze upon it with new vision, a vision which included an image of he and Severus curled up on the sofa, a small, blanket-wrapped bundle cuddled between them. In that mental picture Severus was happy to be there, looking at Remus with one corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement, rather than staring at him with apathetic resignation. 

_May the day come when that vision is reality,_ Remus thought fervently. It gave him hope, the fact that Severus had made ready for his arrival, and that Remus was apparently not to be banished to the guest room or the sofa. That was a good sign... perhaps Severus was less unhappy about the situation than he was letting on.

"Tea sounds wonderful, but I'll make it," Remus said, following Severus into the kitchen. He glanced around quickly, then nodded toward the chairs at the small table with a smile. "Please, sit down, Severus. You've had a very rough day, and I'm supposed to be taking care of you, right?"

"I can make tea, Lupin," Severus retorted, but he was too tired to muster his usual level of acid. The sleepless night and tumultuous day were catching up with him, and he decided it wasn't worth the effort to argue. 

Sinking into the nearest chair, he gestured to a couple of tins on the counter near the stove. "The tea is over there. Sugar is in the cabinet over the stove. There's cream as well, if you want it." The tea kettle was sitting right on the stove in plain view, thus he assumed Lupin would find that well enough on his own. 

He tapped his fingers on the tabletop, trying not to stare at the ring, although he could feel its weight on his finger; it was unfamiliar and heavy, and he knew it would take a while to adjust to wearing it, just as it would take a while to adjust to sharing his home with someone else, someone who was not a spying doormat like Pettigrew. 

"I've already begun setting up the nursery," he said at last, feeling uncomfortable with silence. "It's across from the master bedroom." 

Remus bustled about, following Severus' instructions with neat efficiency. He was glad that Severus had willingly sat down, before Remus had found it necessary to push him into the seat.

Something about the thought of Severus preparing the nursery made Remus feel warm all over. It hadn't occurred to him in the brief moments he had had for thought in the last day, but... Severus did seem to want this child. There were ways to end an unwanted pregnancy, even a male one. Severus also could have put the baby up for adoption, but instead, he was making a home for the child, a home which even included Remus. Severus, for whatever reason, seemed to want this child, and the thought of that made Remus go soft inside.

The tea made, Remus brought the mugs and the sugar to the table, sitting down opposite Severus. It was almost homey, sharing tea in the kitchen, and Remus smiled slightly. No doubt the fact of its simple camaraderie would make Severus scowl in anger.

"What colors did you chose?" he asked quietly, deciding that since Severus had brought it up, the baby was a safe enough topic of conversation for now. No doubt Remus would have to feel his way around Severus' comfort zone, but he was willing to do that. He gave a rueful smile. "There is so much I need to know, I find. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Have you been having prenatal visits for your health?"

"I haven't chosen a color," Severus replied, curling his fingers around the mug and breathing in the fragrant steam, letting it soothe him. "The room was my guest bedroom. All I've done so far is remove the furniture that was in there and buy a cradle and a changing table. There is still time to finish furnishing it; I'm not due until March." 

He added two lumps of sugar and stirred idly for a moment before taking a sip. "I have been to St. Mungo's. I went as soon as I realized I was pregnant, and I have been receiving assiduous care, although I imagine that is because they find my case quite fascinating. I haven't asked what it is yet." 

There was a definite sense of relief at knowing that Severus had been getting care, and Remus nodded, taking a sip of his own tea. When he spoke, his voice was full of wry humor. "There's plenty of time, then; I can do all the heavy work, and you can supervise. You'll like that, I suspect. Ordering me about, and me being grateful for the privilege."

He took another drink, regarding Severus over the rim of the cup, before placing it carefully back on the table in front of him. "Do you want to know what it is?" he asked, hoping that Severus would be willing to share his thoughts on the pregnancy. "And have you been.... well? Sick? How do you feel about being a, um, parent?"

Severus shot him a mildly irritated look at all the questions, but the tea and his own fatigue were rendering him too sleepy to muster any snark. Besides, he supposed Lupin was naturally curious - the Healers at St. Mungo's certainly were - and since Lupin would be seeing him through the rest of his pregnancy, there was no point in withholding information. 

"No, I don't want to know," he replied. "I prefer to wait and find out the old fashioned way." He took another sip of tea and set his mug down, gazing into its depths. "As for my symptoms, they have subsided somewhat. I still contend with occasional nausea, mood swings and food cravings, but I am no longer vomiting every morning or unable to keep down food until after two o'clock in the afternoon." 

The last question was far more difficult to answer, given it had taken him weeks to adjust to the idea that he was pregnant, and he still had doubts about his own parenting abilities - not that he intended to admit his fears to Lupin. "I didn't believe it at first," he said, keeping his gaze focused downward. "I didn't plan it. I didn't realize it was possible. After the shock wore off, I began figuring out how to rearrange my life to accommodate a child." He rested one hand on his stomach and rubbed it in slow, idle circles, an obviously tender gesture. 

Remus assimilated that information, then cleared his throat. There was something he had to ask, something that was, he thought, he to understand Severus and how Severus viewed everything that had occurred. Of course, there was the chance that Severus would sneer at him, or get so angry he might even hex Remus - hardly an auspicious thing to happen on their wedding night. Yet there might not be another opportunity as open and honest between them as this one, when so many of the barriers that had stayed up between them for years seemed to be down.

"Did you..." he asked, and his mouth went dry, forcing him to take another sip of tea before he could continue. "Did you ever think about ending it, Severus? The pregnancy? I don't ask to condemn you - " that part came out rushed, so that Severus wouldn't feel insulted " - but... I just need to know. So that... I know." 

Severus almost lashed out, demanding to know what business it was of Lupin's whether he had considered it or not, but he stopped himself short when he realized Lupin's counter would be that his right to ask stemmed from the fact that it was his child too. He glared at Lupin, his mouth tightening, but he answered truthfully. 

"No, I never thought about ending it. I have enough death and destruction on my conscience. This is an opportunity to bring forth life and to have a family of my own, although I assumed it would consist of only myself and my child. I didn't expect you to be part of it." He rested both hands on his belly, his expression defiant. "I want this baby. It's mine, and I will never give it up." 

"Ours, Severus," Remus said, quietly but firmly. Then he smiled, immeasurably relieved by the thought that Severus _hadn't_ considered ending the pregnancy. That would have plagued Remus, worrying him that Severus hated him so much that he might have thought about ending the pregnancy rather than carry Remus' child. Not that Remus would have blamed him, really - Severus hadn't asked to get pregnant, after all - but... it was just better to know that Severus did want the child for its own sake.

"I never thought I would be a parent," Remus said softly, deciding to tell Severus something personal in exchange, so that Severus didn't feel as though he were the subject of an inquisition. "Not only do I prefer males, but... well, the fact is that most people wouldn't be willing to have a child with someone like me. They don't know that lycanthropy isn't passed on genetically, only by biting. So I never dreamed that I would be fortunate enough to have a child." He paused, meeting Severus' eyes directly. "I'm glad about it, Severus. And I'm glad that it's with you."

Severus bristled at the correction; ever since he found out he was pregnant, he had thought of the baby as his, especially since he never imagined Lupin would demand parental rights and force him into marriage. When he thought of raising his child, he imagined himself alone; this "ours" business was quite an adjustment, and he wasn't keen on sharing just yet anyway.

His scowl deepened at Lupin's next words, and he shook his head in disbelief. "Oh, bollocks. You can't possibly expect me to believe I would be your first choice and that you're so damned happy I'm the one carrying your little hairball. You don't care about me - you've never cared about me," he spat. "You only cared about your precious friends and Potter. After all the history and bad blood between us for the past few _decades_ , I know better than to believe your drivel."

He clenched one hand around his mug so hard that his knuckles turned white as he struggled to keep his temper in check, his face burning with humiliation. This was his fault for getting drunk and making a fool of himself, but he never imagined he would pay so dearly and for so long.

"We had one night," he said, the words ground out through clenched teeth. "It was not true love or happily ever after. It was a mistake. Nothing more."

He wished desperately that he could quell his attraction to Lupin; this arrangement would be so much more bearable if he knew he could keep his distance with ease. But having Lupin near made him remember that night and made his entire body ache with longing to lose himself in Lupin's arms again. Lupin's attentiveness and kind words were making his defenses crumble in spite of knowing he ought not believe any of it. He _wanted_ to believe, because his heart recognized a kindred spirit in Lupin and longed to be given over to Lupin's care. But that, Severus knew, would be even greater folly than one drunken night of passionate sex.

"That one night changed a lot of things, Severus," Remus replied, not willing to back down in the face of Severus' accusations. There was a lot of pain there, and much of it was justified, but Remus couldn't let Severus dwell on the past, not if they were going to build a future together.

It was true, too. That night had changed everything for Remus, and it wasn't just the incredible sex. Their union had been more than physical, more than anything Remus had ever experienced before. It had affected him deeply, which was why he had come back seeking Severus, hoping to get Severus into his life, to let Severus know that he was loved. But Remus couldn't mention love, not right now. The way Severus was throwing the fact that Remus cared at all back in his face indicated that Remus declaring anything stronger would result in making things worse. So Remus had to do the best he could with the arguments available to him.

"It's true that at one time in my life, I was more concerned with what people - especially particular people - thought of me, than I was about doing what I should have done. What my duty required of me to do. I was young and foolish and immature, at the age where young men do foolish things, like allowing their friends to be bullies. Or joining the Death Eaters." Remus gave Severus a significant look; apologetic he might be, but he was also not a whipping boy. They had both done things that were wrong, they both had things to be forgiven for, and Severus needed to know that.

"That being said, however... The last few years have been different. I did try to reach out to you the year I was at Hogwarts, but there was too much bitterness between us, I suppose. I was no saint then, either, but I think you paid me back adequately by outing me, don't you? That is not an accusation, Severus. I have no wish to play blame games or mind games with you or anyone else. But the fact is that we are now married. I care deeply about you; I have since the night we made love, and I saw you, _really_ saw you, for the first time. It made me realize just how fully and fundamentally we are alike. Now we have a child on the way, and a future to build. A partnership. _Together_ , Severus, as one. I've seen what children are like from homes where parents are at each other's throats, where there is distrust and bitterness and strife. Do you want that for our child, too? Or are you willing to meet me half way, forgive me as I forgive you, let the past be buried in the past, and agree that our lives began - truly began, together - on the night our child was conceived?"

Severus looked away, his expression pained. He knew what growing up in that kind of hostile environment was like; he had lived it, after all. His parents' marriage had not been a happy one, and their misery had spilled over to him. He didn't want his child to suffer as he had, which was why he hadn't been concerned about raising it alone. If he wasn't married, then there was no chance of history repeating itself.

But things hadn't turned out as he expected. Burying his face in his hands, he bent over as much as his burgeoning stomach would allow, exhaustion and his wayward hormones making his control far more tenuous than usual. 

Why did this have to happen? Things were going so well for him, and now his entire life had been turned upside down. Lupin was here, they were married, and Lupin was asking him - asking _Severus Snape_ \- to put aside a lifetime of pain and fear and anger in order to trust someone of whom he only had one positive memory. Even if his own nature hadn't been one based on pride, reserve and self-protection, his years as a spy had left "trust" as a dangerous word in his vocabulary. There was only one person he had ever trusted completely, and that person was now dead.

It didn't help that Lupin's words were echoing his own thoughts, and the idea that Lupin also realized their similarities terrified him. Fear seized him, giving him the mad impulse to leap up and run away from this horrible mistake he had made. But Severus had never been one to flee, nor was he a coward no matter what some people might think; he was now, as he had always been, a fighter. As much as he was loath to admit it, he knew Lupin was right: they had to put the past aside if the house wasn't to turn into a war zone. Easier said than done, he thought with a snort.

Realizing his hands were shaking, he lowered them to his lap and clasped them tightly, hoping Lupin hadn't noticed, and he drew in a deep breath. He had agreed to this marriage for the baby's sake, and it seemed he would have to compromise and make more sacrifices for the same reason. Lupin had pushed him and goaded him into agreeing to everything so far, but Lupin couldn't have everything his own way.

"There are going to be rules if you stay in this house," Severus said, his voice quiet, and he kept his face averted. "First and foremost, if I am in my workroom, I am not to be disturbed for any reason short of a life-threatening emergency."

Remus wanted nothing more than to wrap an arm around Severus, to pull him close in a comforting embrace and murmur soothing nonsense in his ear. He wanted to care for Severus, to help him through the pain of these adjustments, but he knew that - for now, at least - such a gesture would be unwelcome. So he merely watched, his expression soft with worry, as Severus fought whatever demons he had to confront. 

The shaking hands didn't escape Remus' notice, and neither did Severus' averted face. But at least Severus seemed to have found a balance he could live with, and it caused Remus to draw in a breath of relief.

"Very well, I have no problem with that," Remus said, before pausing and frowning for a moment. "That being said, I would like to rig some mechanism so that you can summon me instantly, just in case anything goes wrong, or in case you need me to bring you anything, like food. Speaking of which... do you feel like you could eat anything, Severus? I'll make or fetch whatever you like. We didn't have a wedding dinner, mostly because I didn't think you would want to make social chitchat after the ceremony. But that doesn't mean I don't want to do anything I can to make you happy, to fulfill any wants or needs you might have. No matter what they are."

A teasing smile curved Remus' mouth, and he raised a brow at Severus, hoping to lighten his mood.

Only strict self-control kept Severus from sagging with relief. At least he would have a haven of his own where he could escape and have some privacy. He had made this decision, and he had never shied away from doing what he knew must be done, no matter how difficult, but it would be more bearable as long as he had a private refuge where he could immerse himself in the soothing bubble of a cauldron and forget the rest of the world for a while. 

Still looking away, Severus shook his head. "I don't want anything." He wasn't hungry, just weary in more ways than one. Too much had happened during the past twenty-four hours, and he hadn't had enough time to digest all of it. The last thing he wanted was to hear Lupin chirping about making him happy when his impulse was to snap that he could damned well take care of himself. 

A random thought suddenly occurred to him, and he turned to Lupin at last with a questioning look. "You haven't asked me how it happened. I turn up pregnant, and all you can think about is rushing me to the altar. Aren't you at all curious?"

Remus blinked in surprise, then laughed, pressing a hand over his mouth. No doubt his amusement was a bit exaggerated, the stress of the day making him feel a bit giddy. Still, it was humorous, and he faced Severus with eyes that sparkled with good humor.

"Do you know, I was so caught up in the thoughts of being a father, and of us being married, that it never even _occurred_ to me to ask how! I guess... well, I was just so happy that you were, that I didn't question it. From the sound of it there is a story there, and I would love to have you enlighten me."

Severus didn't say a word about Lupin's display of amusement, but the look on his face implied that all opinions of Lupin's idiocy were being confirmed. Picking up his mug, he stood and went to the sink to rinse it out; he didn't want anymore tea anyway, and he needed some kind of distraction - something to do with his hands - if he was going to talk about Albus. 

"Albus left me something in his will. A statue," he began, keeping his voice dispassionate as if the events had happened to someone else. "There was a note with it, something about how he regretted leaving me alone and he hoped his final gift would offer me companionship. I didn't know what it meant. I examined the statue, of course, but there didn't seem to be anything special about it. What I didn't realize was that it is, in fact, a fertility artifact so potent that it will even enable males to conceive. Albus knew my preferences, you see, and he knew I was unlikely to have a long-term relationship at all, much less with a woman with whom I could have a family." 

He glanced down at his stomach and rested both hands on the bump lightly. "This baby is Albus' last gift to me, unusual as that may sound. One last bit of meddling from beyond the grave." 

"He loved you very much, Severus. I think he must have just wanted for you to be happy," Remus said, rising to his feet as well and crossing to stand beside him. He reached around Severus, placing his cup in the sink, then left his hand hovering in the air as he looked up at Severus with a question in his eyes. "May I... touch? Please?"

Severus snapped his head around to stare at Lupin, wide-eyed. Lupin wanted to touch him? His first instinct was to recoil and say no, but he knew that was hardly fair. While the petty side of his nature wouldn't have any qualms about refusing to let Lupin touch, Severus was too tired to put up a fight. It was just his luck that Lupin _would_ choose now of all times to grow a spine and get pushy, he thought with a silent grumble. 

Slowly, he turned to face Lupin and let his arms fall by his side, offering what was as close to an invitation as he was capable of giving. 

Remus recognized Severus' acquiescence, and he could see that it seemed to cost Severus to make the gesture. He was grateful for it, and he reached out, laying his hand very gently against the slight bulge of Severus' abdomen.

He could feel the heat against his palm, even through the thick fabric of Severus' robes, and a thrill of awareness shot down his spine, reminding him of the night that had led them here. But he suppressed it, and he was rewarded by a sharp, emphatic thump against his palm as the baby kicked out as if in greeting.

Remus' face lit up in a smile of pure wonder, and he looked at Severus with eyes wide with awe. "Oh, Severus," he breathed, shivering again, but this time for an entirely different reason. The baby was suddenly more real to him now, an actual entity who lived and moved and existed within the safety of Severus' body. Remus wanted nothing more at that moment to pull Severus into his arms, and he actually found himself reaching out as though to do so.

But he stopped himself, and stepped back, giving Severus space. "Thank you," he said, voice husky with emotion. "That is the most special, wonderful thing I have ever experienced."

Severus nodded and glanced away, the wonderment and joy in Lupin's face making him uncomfortable; he wasn't accustomed to anyone looking at him like that, although he knew it wasn't meant for him, but for the baby. He had felt the kick and knew what Lupin must be feeling; he had experienced the same sense of awe when he felt the baby move for the first time. It made everything more real, and it had caused a fierce protectiveness to bloom within him. At least, he thought, there was no doubt that Lupin did indeed want the child. It would have a devoted father in Lupin, no matter what happened between its parents. 

"You look exhausted," Remus said, voice soft with concern as he noted how drawn Severus' pale face had become. "Since you aren't hungry, why don't we turn in for the night? I'm tired, too; it wouldn't hurt us to get some rest, don't you think?"

Severus hesitated, regretting now that he had been so quick to clear out the guest room for the nursery; spending every night in the same bed with Lupin was going to be uncomfortable, to say the least. He was tempted to protest that he wasn't tired and retreat to his workroom, but the truth was, he was exhausted, too tired to muster the facade of energy and go through the motions of brewing something just to give himself some time and space from his new spouse. 

Resigned, he nodded and headed toward the stairs, holding on to the banister as he made his way up the steps thanks to his increasing girth beginning to affect his balance. His bedroom was decorated in tasteful dark wood furniture, the huge canopy bed fitted with heavy emerald green drapes. The solid mahogany wardrobe had a full length mirror fitted on the inside of one door, which he usually left standing open so he could check his appearance before leaving each morning. On the matching dresser sat the rotund statue Albus had given him, the only personal item in the room. 

A fire sprang to life in the hearth as he entered, in front of which was laid a thick rug that matched the one on Severus' side of the bed, a little luxury for keeping his feet off the cold stones during winter. Severus went to the dresser and retrieved a plain grey nightshirt, holding it against his chest as he debated what to do: brave it out and undress in the room, or beat a retreat to the bathroom down the corridor so Lupin wouldn't see him. He wasn't much to look at when he wasn't pregnant, and he imagined he looked odd, perhaps even grotesque, now that his body was swollen and misshapen. 

There was bravery, he thought, and then there was stupid pigheaded pride. This was one time when he would take no shame in retreat, and he hurried to the bathroom to change. Grabbing his dressing gown from the hook on the back of the bathroom door, he shrugged it on over his nightshirt, fastened it, and returned to the bedroom with trepidation over this, his wedding night. 

Remus followed in Severus' wake, not breaking the silence. He didn't want to crowd Severus, not when Severus had been - by Snapean standards, at least - very accommodating. He kept his expression open and friendly, watching as Severus retrieved his nightclothes and left the room, obviously wishing to change in private. 

A slight sigh escaped Remus then, as he contemplated the night to come. The last time he had slept in the huge bed, it had been the sleep of exhaustion following a wild night of utter abandonment to pleasure. He doubted that a repeat of that night was on Severus' mind, given what it had cost Severus in changes to his life. Remus wasn't going to push for a physical relationship, no matter how much he desired one, no matter how much the thought of running his hands and lips and tongue over Severus' body might appeal to him. Severus made the most incredible sounds of pleasure, and Remus felt his body tightening at the memory. 

This simply wouldn't do. Growling softly in frustration, Remus pulled his shrunken valise from his robes, enlarging it and removing his pajama bottoms from within. He removed his robes, changing quickly into the soft flannel pants; he never wore a shirt to bed, and he didn't plan to change that, not unless Severus protested. After all, they _were_ married, and Remus felt no need to assume a body modesty he didn't possess. Rather too late, anyway, given that they had already made love.

After hanging up his robes in the wardrobe, Remus crossed to the bed. A quick sniff identified which side of the bed Severus preferred, and he moved to the other, pulling back the covers and sliding between the cool sheets. He placed his wand on the bedside table, then lay back against the pillows, waiting for Severus' return.

Severus avoided eye contact as he entered the room and approached the bed. In spite of how intoxicated he had been, he remembered all too well the last time they had been in his bed together. He remembered how expertly Lupin had caressed him, taking him to heights of pleasure he had never known before. He remembered the feel of bites soothed by the rasp of Lupin's tongue. He remembered making noises he had never made during sex before, each wrung out of him by Lupin's hands and teeth and...

And he had to stop thinking about that, especially since Lupin was lying in his bed, half-naked, presenting a temptation to Severus' resolve to remain distant. 

Untying his dressing gown, he drew his wand and murmured, "Nox" to douse the lights before he shrugged out of it and let it fall to the floor. Only the light of the fireplace remained, its dim glow uncomfortably intimate, but he ignored it as he hurried to get under the covers. Stretching out on his side with his back to Lupin, he nestled into his pillow and closed his eyes, hoping sleep wouldn't be elusive given his body seemed hyperaware of Lupin's proximity. 

Severus' nightshirt hid his body from view as effectively as robes, and Remus resisted the urge to grumble in protest, or to make a joke about Severus' imitation of a maiden aunt. There was no help for it, however, and Remus settled back, closing his eyes and trying to find sleep.

He must have been more tired than he thought, for sometime in the night - it was still dark outside, at least - Remus woke to an awareness of being pressed up against something warm and firm. He didn't open his eyes, but breathed in deeply, inhaling Severus' scent and relishing it. His brain was sleep fogged, but he retained enough awareness to realize that Severus hadn't pushed him away. Of course Severus wouldn't if he were asleep, and Remus smiled. He stretched slightly, using the movement as an excuse to slide an arm over Severus' waist.

Warm and content, Remus drifted back to sleep.

* * *

_...it's odd how when I came back from Albania, I had so many hopes and dreams of us being together at last. I thought that the physical distance between us was the biggest barrier, but, ironically, I was wrong. We are closer now than ever before, but never has the separation seemed greater between where we are and where I wish that we could be. Together, that is, with nothing standing between us except our feelings for each other. Not because I must, but because I love..._

Remus stared at the parchment, then folded it up with a sigh and slipped it into his pocket. He took a sip of his tea - now cold - and frowned down into the cup. It was silly, perhaps, to be writing a love letter to Severus, who was still asleep upstairs, all unknowing. Silly because Severus would no doubt ball it up and toss it back in Remus' face.

He wished that he could tell Severus how he felt, how deeply he cared and why. But Severus had made it clear the night before that he didn't believe Remus, and no doubt wouldn't believe that Remus loved him even if Remus swallowed an entire bottle of Veritaserum and subjected himself to every truth-spell in the world. There was too much doubt in Severus, doubt that words alone would not chase away. But given time, Remus would prove his love, and hopefully by then Severus wouldn't be so quick to throw it all away for the sake of pride and ancient grudges.

A glance at the clock showed him that it was getting rather late, and he decided to check on Severus, to make certain that the strain of the previous day hadn't taxed him unduly. Rising to his feet, Remus crossed to the stove, freshening the kettle and then turning to put together a tray. By the time the water boiled, everything was ready, so Remus set the tea to steeping and picked up the tray, carrying it carefully up the stairs to the master bedroom.

Pushing the door open, Remus entered the room, glancing quickly at the bed to find Severus still sleeping, curled on his side and looking oddly young and vulnerable. Slumber soothed away the lines of strain and anger from between Severus' eyes, although his skin was still pale. Severus seemed deeply asleep, so Remus put the tray down on the dresser, slipping a hand inside his robes to feel the letter he had written, and wondering if perhaps, just perhaps, he could get away with sliding it under Severus' pillow.

Severus woke slowly; he wasn't a morning person under normal circumstances, and the previous two days had been exceptionally taxing, causing him to sleep even longer than usual when he was left to his own devices. Fortunately, it was Saturday, and he hadn't had to set the alarm for work. This weekend was more welcome than most in one way; he needed the time to rest and brace himself for the looks and questions he would undoubtedly receive on Monday when he walked in wearing a shiny new wedding ring. 

Frowning, he fought against waking, not ready to face the world yet. When he woke, it would be to his first full day of marriage, and he had no idea how to manage being with Lupin alone all day long, which was the downside of the weekend. Perhaps, he thought with a sigh as he opened his eyes at last, he would be able to hide out in his workroom for a while. 

He rolled onto his back and sat up, on the verge of throwing back the covers when he suddenly realized Lupin was in the room with him, and he snatched them up instead as if shielding himself, his scowl deepening. 

"What are you doing in here?" he demanded. "Shouldn't you be..." He flailed one hand in a vague gesture. "Unpacking or something?"

Remus quickly pulled his hand from his pocket when Severus stirred, and he flushed slightly as if he had been caught doing something wrong. He gave an internal sigh at the way Severus pulled up the covers defensively, as though Remus were an unwelcome interloper rather than Severus' spouse. Perhaps it was too soon to see any "progress" on that front, but this seemed to almost be a step back, causing Remus no small amount of discouragement.

Still, the baby had seemed a safe enough topic previously, so Remus gave a somewhat lopsided smile. "I brought you tea," he replied quietly, turning to pour a cup and prepare it the way Severus liked. He crossed to the bed, offering the beverage with a slight, playful bow. "I was thinking... after you wake up, if you feel like it, we could go shopping for the baby? Get some more things for the nursery?"

Discomfited by Lupin's solicitous gesture, Severus scowled. He wasn't accustomed to people doing things for him; he took care of himself, and he wasn't certain how to handle having someone constantly bringing him tea, urging him to sit down, and offering to fulfill his needs. It was a new experience, and it was keeping him off-balance, which he didn't like; pride demanded that he retain his autonomy and independence, but a small part of him - the lonely, empty part that he hated and refused to acknowledge - wanted to know what it was like to be taken care of. 

"I'm pregnant, Lupin, not helpless," he snapped, but he took the tea, setting the cup on his lap as he considered Lupin's idea. 

He hadn't planned on finishing the nursery so soon, but it would get them out of the house and give them something to focus on other than each other, and there was no real reason to wait. In a couple of months when he was bigger - and if the books he'd read on the subject were to be believed, obliged to visit the loo constantly - he might not feel up to shopping and decorating. 

"I feel quite well," he said at last. "I have no objections to shopping." 

"Excellent," Remus said, relieved that Severus was at least willing to spend time with him, rather than shutting himself away in his workroom. They needed time, and most especially they needed time _together_. Time to learn to be a couple before they were parents as well.

Moving to the wardrobe, Remus stopped and stripped off his pajama bottoms, before reaching for his robes and draping them over his arm. He didn't attempt to hide his nudity; Severus was just going to have to get used to it, because Remus wasn't going to run around dressed up like a Victorian maiden in their home. 

"I'm going to take a quick shower," he said, then raised a brow in inquiry. "Do you want some breakfast? Or shall we stop at the Leaky Cauldron for a bite?"

Putting the untouched tea on the bedside table, Severus scrunched up under the covers and tried to ignore the sting of heat in his face. He had averted his eyes as soon as he realized Lupin was stripping right there in front of him, but not before he caught a glimpse of Lupin's hip and the barest hint of the pale curve of Lupin's arse, bringing back memories of their night together and how perfectly that arse fit in his hands as he urged Lupin to take him harder, reveling in the wildness of the wolf. 

He ground his teeth, his scowl deepening; he knew Lupin was probably doing it on purpose to provoke him. Damned insufferable werewolf. Apparently he wasn't going to be given any time to adjust to sharing his house, his bedroom and his bed before being subjected to a naked werewolf on parade. 

In a burst of defiance, he threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. He snatched his dressing gown off the floor and shrugged into it as he stormed to the door. "I'll fix breakfast while you shower," he said in a tone that dared Lupin to argue. "It will be quicker if I do it. I know where everything is." 

"All right," Remus said, watching Severus leave. He didn't know whether it was good or bad that Severus was in a bit of a temper. Probably good, all things considered; apathy would mean that Severus was numb to Remus' presence.

It didn't take Remus long to shower, and then he made his way downstairs, carrying the tea tray from earlier. He placed it at the sink, the started to wash up as Severus cooked. "It smells good," he said, to break the silence between them. "You said you weren't so sick in the morning anymore? That's good; I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself."

"I managed perfectly well on my own." Severus bustled around the kitchen, setting the table and then serving up eggs, sausage and toast with jam and marmalade. He didn't usually make a big breakfast for himself, but he was experiencing an odd need to prove he could fend for himself coupled with an even odder desire to provide a decent meal for Lupin, which he chose not to examine too deeply, chalking it up to overcompensating because he hadn't cooked for anyone else in a long time. 

"I brewed my own potions to quell the nausea," he continued as he took a seat at the table. "Far superior to any available at the apothecary, of course." 

"I have no doubt about that," Remus replied, smiling as he sat down at the table. He was oddly touched that Severus had cooked the meal, rather than just making toast or something. Maybe it was Severus' way of reaching out.

Picking up his fork, Remus began to eat with good appetite. "Heavenly," he said, enjoying the taste of the sausages. "I haven't had a home cooked meal in months, and let me tell you, Albanian cuisine is not high on my list of culinary delights to begin with. I was too busy to worry about it most of the time, but we did manage to track down every last one of Voldemort's main followers that we are certain survived the war. That's why... well, why I was gone, and I didn't have the opportunity to see you sooner. I didn't know it was going to take so long, but I was actually on my way to find you when we ran across each other in Diagon Alley."

Severus stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth and stared at Lupin, his eyebrows climbing to his hairline at that news. He had taken Lupin's months-long silence as lack of interest, although he supposed the fact that he'd screamed and thrown Lupin out the morning after contributed to the problem. Still, he had thrown Lupin out because he had been terrified of rejection and terrified he had made himself too vulnerable, revealing too much of himself and his heart to Lupin, and Lupin's absolute silence had served to convince him he'd done the right thing. 

But if Lupin was out of the country, that explained it... Well, Lupin could have sent an owl, but Severus grudgingly admitted that tracking down Death Eaters didn't leave much free time for correspondence. 

"Were you." Severus put down his fork and fixed Lupin with a skeptical look. "And why is that?" 

Remus kept his expression neutral in the face of Severus' obvious disbelief. "To see you, of course," he said, his tone firm. "I was going to just give you a few days to cool down after the night we made love, then come and talk to you. Unfortunately I was requested to help with the mop up operations, and what I thought would take a week ended up taking almost five months. It always seemed as if we were on the verge of finishing, so I never got the opportunity to take a few days off to come back to see you."

He put his own fork down, gazing at Severus directly. "I'm sorry that it took me so long, Severus. Had I realized that you were pregnant - had I even suspected it was _possible_ \- I would have told them all to hang and come back immediately. As it was, I took your silence to mean that you hadn't changed your mind on your own about me - about _us_ \- and so I thought that any chance I might have to get through to you could wait until I wasn't needed any longer. I was wrong about that, and I'm sorry."

Severus reached for the jam pot and began assiduously spreading jam on a piece of toast as he mulled over what Lupin had said. A little bloom of warmth grew within him at the thought that Lupin intended to return sooner. Perhaps Lupin was interested in Severus as more than just the bearer of his child. Perhaps Severus hadn't made such a great fool of himself after all. Perhaps there was a chance this marriage might be more than a mere sham.

But as much as he might want to lower his guard and take a chance on Lupin returning his interest, there were still some unanswered questions, and Severus had no intentions of being incautious.

"You could have written a letter," Severus replied with a haughty sniff, still focusing his attention on his toast. "And anyway, that doesn't explain why you wanted to see me. I made it quite clear I thought that night was a mistake, and I assumed your silence meant you agreed with me."

"That night wasn't a mistake," Remus said firmly. "Or at least, not on my part. I was coming to see you to talk about if we could try being... closer. That night was special to me, Severus. Even more so now."

Remus took a bite of his own toast, then gave Severus a mischievous, crumb-covered smile. "As far a letter goes... to be honest, I figured out would toss it out unread anyway. And I'm much more persuasive in person than in writing."

Severus let out a derisive snort at that. "You seem to have an awfully high opinion of yourself and your persuasive powers," he replied tartly, although deep down, he was gratified to learn Lupin didn't consider that night a mistake to be regretted. "Especially considering your atrocious manners. I did provide napkins, you know," he added, not quite able to look at Lupin, not because of the messy crumbs, but because that smile was making his toes curl and a pleasurable warmth bloom in his stomach.

What Lupin had told him this morning was encouraging, but Severus intended to proceed with caution; things had happened so quickly over the past two days, and he was still reeling from all the abrupt changes. Lupin may have rushed him into marriage, but he would dictate his own pace for everything else; they did have the rest of their lives to sort things out, after all. Still, Lupin had presumably spoken with honesty - Severus wanted to believe that he had, anyway - and perhaps it wouldn't be inappropriate or dangerous for Severus to make a small concession as well.

He lifted his napkin and dabbed at his own lips fastidiously before giving Lupin an arch look. "Nonetheless, I might be eventually persuaded that it wasn't quite as much a mistake as I thought."

Remus picked up his napkin, wiping at his lips but keeping his smile. In fact, his smile grew wider when Severus admitted that he might come to not regret their night together; that boded well for the future.

"I shall remain optimistic that I can persuade you, then," he said, pushing back from the table. Pulling his wand, Remus levitated his plate to the sink. "Well, on that cheerful note, are you finished? I can wash up while you get ready for the shopping expedition. Hmmm... Muggle shops are probably out of the question, right?"

"Entirely." Severus' tone made clear his utter disdain for the thought of patronizing Muggle shops. He rose to his feet and hesitated; his impulse was to wash up his own dishes, but since he had cooked, he supposed there was no harm in sharing the work load, and he did need to get dressed. "If we can't find what we need in Diagon Alley, there are other places to shop." 

With that, he swept out of the room, his dressing gown billowing with as much dramatic effect as his robes ever did. He returned upstairs to shower and dress, taking pains with his appearance that he didn't usually take on the weekend. He washed his hair, knowing it would be oily again by the end of the day, but at least it would look passable for a while, and he steamed the wrinkles out of his robes. He told himself that it was because he was going out in public rather than staying home as he usually did, but a tiny voice in the back of his head laughed at him for it. 

When he was convinced he was as presentable as he was capable of being, he made his way downstairs, taking the steps slowly, and went to the kitchen to find Lupin. 

Remus watched Severus' departure with amusement; no one could stage an exit - or an entrance - the way Severus could. Then he turned his attention to the dishes, washing them up in short order and tidying the kitchen. He took a few minutes to peek into cupboards and the pantry, familiarizing himself quickly with where things were and what Severus seemed to prefer as far as food. Remus had learned to eat anything at all over the course of his life, so he was very easy to please in that respect, Albanian food aside.

When he heard Severus descending the stairs, Remus came out into the foyer to meet him. "Apparate, or Floo?" he asked, giving Severus an appreciative glance from under his lashes. Pregnancy had lent a glow to Severus' skin, and Remus ached to run his fingers through the soft, shining length of Severus' hair. Alas, it wasn't to be, not yet, but Severus' words had given him hope.

"Floo is best," Severus replied. "The Healers instructed me not to Apparate after my fourth month." 

Pivoting on his heel, he marched into the sitting room and went straight to the fireplace. Reaching into the pot of Floo powder on the mantle, he threw it onto the flames, stepped inside and said in a clear, firm voice, "Diagon Alley!" 

The familiar pull of Floo travel hit him, but it lasted a few seconds at most, and he found himself at the pub. He stepped out of the fireplace and moved to one side, dusting off his robes as he waited for Lupin's arrival. 

Remus was right on Severus' heels, and he rubbed his nose to keep down as sneeze as he stepped from the Floo to stand beside Severus. "Which first, then? Clothes or furniture? It's been a long time since I had anything to do with an infant, and I image things have changed a bit in that time."

"Furniture," Severus said, trying to ignore how close Lupin was standing to him. "There is no sense in buying clothes until I have something to put them in. There is a furniture store near Gringott's where I bought the cradle and changing table. For clothes, we will have to visit the shop near Madam Malkin's: Belles and Beaus," he said, his lip curling in a sneer at the frivolity of the name. 

Remus resisted the urge - barely - to lean forward the kiss Severus' curled lip. "Furniture it is, then," he replied, gesturing for Severus to precede him toward the door. He would have liked to slide an arm around Severus' waist, but he wasn't quite ready to face a public smack down this early in their relationship. He would bide his time and wait for the right moment.

He opened the rear door for Severus, then drew his wand to tap the sequence that admitted them into Diagon Alley proper. The street ahead was quite packed with people, the result of it being the weekend with Christmas coming up. That was fine with Remus, however, and he used the opportunity to walk very close to Severus, their arms brushing. 

The right time seemed to be when some young boys came running almost directly at them, Remus pulled Severus quickly out of the way, then kept his arm around Severus, one hand resting lightly on Severus' hip. "It's crowded today, isn't it?" he asked, voice low and mouth close to Severus' ear so that he could be heard. "I'd almost forgotten what a crush it is during the holidays. Hopefully there won't be too many people shopping where we will be, though."

Severus' eyes widened to saucer-like proportions when Lupin grabbed him to pull him out of the way of a couple of rowdy urchins - and then kept his arm around Severus' waist. He was shocked by the effrontery of the gesture, and the only thing that kept him from moving away was the desire not to cause a scene in the middle of a public street. 

But he scowled down at Lupin, more than a little annoyed. Never mind that he liked the solid, warm comfort of Lupin's arm around him; Lupin had hustled him to the altar, invaded his home, wandered around naked, and now was foisting physical contact on him, uninvited? Attracted to Lupin he might be, but Severus had boundaries, and he'd had enough pushing in the last two days to last a good long while. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he hissed through clenched teeth. 

"Just protecting you from those rambunctious urchins," Remus said, reluctantly releasing Severus' waist. Apparently he was moving too fast, and he decided to back off and give Severus some space. "Besides, it's chilly, and walking close together warmer. No offense meant, Severus; I happen to like touching you, that's all."

Severus straightened his robes with the air of an offended, finicky cat; his ruffled feathers were somewhat soothed by the idea that Lupin enjoyed touching him, but he was still feeling overwhelmed. He was accustomed to having to make decisions and act quickly in a wartime situation, but when it came to his personal life, it was a new experience, and he felt the need to make it clear that Lupin couldn't continue trying to control him. 

"In good time," he said, his nose in the air as he strode down the street to the furniture shop. 

A bell jangled when he pushed the door open, and he held the door long enough for Lupin to step inside before leading the way to the displays of baby furniture, pointing to a dark mahogany cradle with a plain design and no ornate carving like some of the other cradles. Severus liked simplicity, not fancy, ornate designs in both clothing and furniture, and the items he had chosen for the nursery reflected that taste. 

"That is the kind of cradle I bought," he said. "The matching changing table is over there." 

"It's lovely," Remus said, running his hand over the rich, dark wood and admiring the grain. Plain it might be, but it was also classically elegant, something that one would pass down from generation to generation in a family, watching dozens of babies sleep safely within it. "So, it looks like they have cribs, dressers, armoires, and such to match. Oh, look, and even a bed for an older child in the same design. That might be convenient, Severus; he or she will have to have a bed one day, and if we buy the bigger pieces, they can stay once the baby is older, and we'll only have to purchase the bed to match."

"Yes, that seems like a sensible plan." Severus moved to inspect the dresser, opening the drawers and checking to see how well they were constructed on the inside. Satisfied that they were sturdy and sound, he nodded. "The dresser, I think. It will be useful now. A wardrobe can wait until we need the bed." 

He was momentarily distracted by a toy chest with what looked like a snake pattern engraved on the lid. Upon closer inspection, it proved to be a pattern of Celtic knotwork with the intricate interlocking figures having the heads of both snakes and wolves entwined. He knelt and lifted the lid, imagining the chest filled to overflowing and toys being pulled out by small, plump hands. 

Lowering the lid, he smoothed his palm across the top, knowing what he was about to do would garner commentary from Lupin, but even he couldn't deny the appropriate symbolism. "We will need a place to store toys. This will do," he said as he stood up straight again. 

"I think it will do very nicely," Remus said, his voice soft and husky. He hadn't missed the symbolism, and he was pleased that Severus was willing to acknowledge their connection in so overt a way. Reaching out, he traced the knotwork as well, then straightened and nodded in satisfaction.

"Well, let's get this bought, and I'll arrange for delivery, all right?" he asked, before turning to the waiting salesperson. It only took a few minutes to complete the transaction, and Remus had the amount deducted from his Gringott's account. It felt good having enough money to purchase things for their child, after growing up in what was very close to poverty himself. He wasn't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but it pleased him to be able to indulge in something that felt very like building a future with Severus.

"Shall we check out the annoyingly named clothing store now?" he asked, winking at Severus as they walked toward the door.

"Very well." Severus grimaced, not looking forward to the excursion. Just glancing in the window of that shop was enough to let him know that he wasn't going to like it. Perhaps a seamstress would be a better option than putting the innocent child through the torture of wearing garments from Belles and Beaus. 

It was a short walk to the shop in question, and as soon as he walked in, Severus nearly recoiled at the sight that greeted his eyes. Pale pink, pale blue, pale yellow - nothing but pastels covered in ruffles, lace, and tiny needlework ducks and puppies and kittens. It was appalling, and Severus didn't bother trying to hide his disdain as a cheerful young witch approached. 

"May I help you?" she chirped, and Severus fixed her with his best haughty glare. 

"I doubt it," he sneered. "Unless you have anything in this sugarcoated hellhole that isn't pastel." 

"We prefer things that are a bit plainer and more practical," Remus said, smiling at the salesgirl in order to soften Severus' sharpness. "Do you have anything in... oh, say dark green or blue? Without a great deal of ornamentation?"

"A few," the girl said, her tone dubious. She cast sidelong glances at Severus, her expression wary and disapproving, and she focused her attention on Lupin instead, much to Severus' amusement. "We also have things in white, if you don't like pastels." 

She led them to a back corner of the shop where there was an array of tiny dresses in darker colors, sleepers and robes on racks, along with socks, shoes, and barrettes arranged on countertops. Thank God, Severus thought as he picked up a pair of plain white underpants with only a discreet bit of lace at the leg. He would rather let the child remain naked than dress it in frilly-bottomed underpants. If that had been all they offered, he would have ripped the lace off himself. 

"These will be fine," Remus said, glad that there would be something that it seemed Severus would accept. He pulled a small gown in dark green from a rack, holding it up and looking at it with wonder. "I had forgotten how tiny a newborn is. This looks like something you would put on a doll, doesn't it?" He paused, then looked at Severus with a raised brow. "Have you ever held a baby, Severus? Do you think we should go for parenting lessons?"

"When do you ever imagine I have had occasion to hold a baby?" Severus asked scathingly. "I've been doing research, however. I've read several books on childcare." 

The young witch glanced back and forth, wide-eyed, as if the thought of Severus being a parent was vaguely horrifying. Her gaze flicked down, and her eyes grew even wider when she noticed the telltale bulge around his middle; she edged away from them, retreating to the safety of remaining behind the till. 

"What about you?" Severus asked, folding his arms after he watched the girl make her retreat. "Didn't you change Potter's nappies back in the day?" 

"Yes, I became rather good at it, too," Remus said, continuing to pull small clothing off the racks and lay it on the counter, enchanted by the tiny garments. 

He looked up at Severus, smiling, his eyes glittering with a teasing light. "I'm sure you of all people will be pleased to know that Harry was a particularly disgusting baby, and the smell of his diapers was often enough to make me gag. Werewolf senses, you know. But I'm sure any child of ours will be far too perfect to smell bad, don't you think?"

"I hardly think 'perfect' is an apt description for the child of a former Death Eater and a werewolf," Severus replied, turning his attention to the clothes Lupin had placed on the counter.

They were indeed tiny, and Severus could scarcely imagine being responsible for a being small enough to wear them. The sight of the garments made his impending parenthood all the more real, and he reached out to stroke a sapphire blue gown with his fingertips. He had no illusions about his child being perfect, but he fervently hoped it didn't look like him.

Bringing himself back to the present, he added a few more items to the pile, and then he scooped up the lot and carried it all over to the traumatized girl. Lupin had paid for the furniture, thus Severus was determined to pay for the clothing. 

"Wrap it up," he demanded as he dumped his armload on the counter beside the till. It wasn't everything they would need, he was sure, but it was a good start.

Remus trailed along behind Severus, smiling at the girl again and wondering if they would be banned from the shop in future. He accepted the packages as they were wrapped, shrinking them and tucking them into the pockets of his robes. 

That completed, Remus escorted Severus from the shop, taking a deep breath of the cold autumn air and enjoying how fresh and crisp it smelled. "Speaking of stinky output," he said, giving a rueful chuckle, "we'll need to buy nappies, and bottles and something to feed the baby, too. Lily breast-fed Harry, but somehow I get the feeling that won't be an option in this case."

"Good God, I hope not." Severus couldn't repress the shudder that rippled down his spine at the thought. He had no idea how much the statue had altered him, but since he hadn't developed any external female parts so far, he hoped that meant he wouldn't end up leaking milk once the baby was born. "I don't think we need bother with nappies and such yet. We have several months; we needn't buy everything all on one day." 

"You're right, of course, I'm just excited - it's not every day I get to shop for my own child," Remus said, chuckling. He looked at Fortescue's as they passed, happy to see that it had reopened now that the war was over. "Would you like to get a treat or something? And have you had any of those odd cravings that seem to be a requirement for pregnancy?"

"I have, yes." Severus wasn't surprised that Lupin's attention had been caught by Fortescue's. Lupin's sweet tooth was prodigious, and apparently, some things never changed. "Although I have tended to experience cravings for things like curry noodles and pea soup rather than sweets." He stopped in front of the ice cream shop and shrugged. "If you want something, get it." It would be a chance for Severus to sit down and rest his feet; he could tell the additional weight was taking its toll, and he knew it was only going to get worse as he got bigger. 

Remus didn't need to be asked twice. "It's a bit early for lunch, but... maybe I can talk you into sharing a sundae?" Remus asked, smiling as he escorted Severus into the shop. After all, surely even Severus Snape couldn't resist the lure of ice cream, especially when covered in chocolate. And maybe, at some point in the not too distance future, Severus wouldn't mind if a certain werewolf replaced the ice cream in the recipe.


	3. Chapter 3

The pot on the stove simmered gently, and Remus hummed under his breath as he gave the spaghetti sauce a final stir, sniffing appreciatively at the rich, garlicky scent. The noodles stood ready to be placed in boiling water as soon as Severus walked in the door, and all the bread needed was a light toasting in the oven to melt the butter. Remus could have cooked the entire meal by magic, of course, but he found the act of cooking to be soothing in and of itself, and he thought that food that was prepared by hand tasted better, anyway. Hopefully Severus would, too.

Things between them had seemed to relax slightly in the last few days, although there was still quite a distance to be traveled, Remus knew. Severus was thawing, but it was a slow, torturous process. Fortunately, Remus was a patient man, and he was quite convinced that the end result would well be worth the wait. They would have the rest of their lives together, so Remus could afford to give Severus the time he needed to accept Remus on his own terms.

Relationships, like fine cooking, just couldn't be rushed.

There was a sound at the door, and Remus called out in a cheerful voice. "Severus? I have dinner almost ready. If you want to wash your hands, I can have it on the table in five minutes!"

Severus opened the door and was greeted by the scent of garlic and tomatoes wafting from the kitchen, soon followed by a cheerful greeting from Lupin. He was growing accustomed to returning to a house that wasn't empty, and he had to admit that not having to prepare dinner for himself every night was nice. He found he was more tired at the end of the day than he used to be, and after wrestling with his pride for a time, he had eventually decided that being able to come home and rest was worth sacrificing a bit of his fierce determination to do everything for himself as he had always done.

The gossip in his department was dying down as well. A couple of brave souls had asked him about the ring, and he had admitted he was now married the one who had fathered his child. Speculation had raged like wildfire throughout the department until it finally occurred to someone to check the public records of who had been married recently, and then there had been another surge of gossip.

Severus had even overheard a young witch saying she was convinced they had been wartime lovers whose secret affair could finally come to light now that they were both safe from "the enemy". The mere idea, coupled with the dreamy look on the girl's face as she said it, nearly made Severus spit out a mouthful of tea.

He went upstairs to change out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable, and he washed his hands while he was at it before returning downstairs and heading to the kitchen. Lupin had made himself at home in the kitchen - and everywhere else, for that matter - and the sight of Lupin puttering around in such a domestic setting made Severus feel he had stepped into some bizarre alternate universe where he was a normal person with a normal life rather than an ex-spy with blood on his hands and a checkered past.

But this was hardly a normal arrangement, he reminded himself. This was not his cue to announce, "honey, I'm home" and give Lupin a peck on the cheek before asking what was for dinner. 

Instead, he peered into the pot of bubbling sauce to identify it, and then he folded his arms and asked, "Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Nothing at all," Remus said, resisting the sudden odd urge to hold his face up for a kiss. They certainly weren't at that point in their relationship yet. Soon, Remus hoped, but not quite yet.

"I'll dish up, why don't you have a seat?" he continued, noticing the lines of fatigue on Severus' face. He had started the noodles and bread while Severus was upstairs, and so everything was ready quickly. Placing steaming plates of pasta and bread on the table, Remus slid into his own seat, raising a brow at Severus in concern. "Did you have a bad day today at work? Or is the baby making you ill again?"

"I'm fine." Severus waved away the concern dismissively. "It was a long, busy day, and I'm tired, that's all." He picked up his fork and tried a bite of the spaghetti, which tasted as good as it smelled. "The baby hasn't been making me ill. It's been too busy practicing its Quidditch moves all damned day for that."

"Going to be a beater, you think?" Remus asked drolly, taking a bite of his own dinner. He liked having meals with Severus; it was much nicer being able to talk about this and that than eating alone. Severus was a fascinating man, even when he snarked and snapped, and Remus was only falling deeper in love with him every day.

"If you would like, I can massage your feet and calves after dinner," he offered casually, twirling the pasta around on his fork. "It might help you relax."

"Possibly. It has the beating part down already. My ribs can attest to that." Severus tore off a bit of bread, focusing on the food in a desperate bid to keep his mind from dwelling on thoughts of Lupin's hands on his legs, rubbing... caressing... sliding higher and higher...

Oh, no, he couldn't allow that. The mere thought was making his wayward hormones surge in his blood; it was bad enough that he had lately begun feeling a perpetual low-grade desire for sex, which his books said was a possible side effect of all the hormonal changes during pregnancy, but he hadn't been plagued with it until now. But having Lupin touch him would likely exacerbate the problem, and he didn't want to run off for a wank in the bathroom like some randy adolescent. He was beyond that kind of foolishness, but he wasn't quite ready to consider the other means of relieving his tension either.

"I - er - I already feel much more relaxed," he muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"Fibber," Remus said softly, keeping the smile off his face. Obviously the thought affected Severus, and that was a good sign as far as Remus was concerned. But it was equally obvious that Severus needed the relief. "I promise it will help, Severus, and that I won't ravish you on the sofa, all right? If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the baby; if you're not feeling well, if you are tense, it does affect the baby, too. Let me help you, Severus. Please?"

Severus shot Lupin a warning glare, annoyed that Lupin had seen through him, but after a few more bites of pasta, he gave a grumbly sigh. The books all said that the mood of the "mother" did indeed affect the baby, so he couldn't even protest. Lying outright wasn't even an option since Lupin had borrowed the damned books and had been reading them ever since he moved in.

"Oh, all _right_ ,"Severus said in the most aggrieved tone he could muster to let it be known exactly how put-upon he was. Lovely. He was going to have to sit there, let Lupin fondle him, and pretend he was oblivious to the effects on his hormone-drenched body in spite of the fact it seemed bent on reminding him that he hadn't had sex in months.

Damned hormones. Damned werewolf. If he got _any_ relaxation out of this damned exercise, he would be surprised indeed. 

"You damned well better appreciate this, you little brat," he muttered, glaring down at his stomach, but the only response was a gleeful kick to his liver.

"Thank you, Severus," Remus responded, then turned his attention to finishing his meal. When he has done, he carried his plate to the sink, then turned off the stove so that the sauce could cool.

"Just leave your plate, I'll clean up later," he said, making a vague gesture at Severus' plate. "I need to run upstairs and get a few things. Why don't you have a seat on the sofa when you're finished, and I'll be right back?" With that, Remus retrieved a bowl from the cupboard, then departed with a smile to collect up what he needed.

Still glaring and grumbling, Severus finished his dinner and hefted himself out of his chair, hesitating over whether to leave his plate there as instructed or not. In the end, he left it, deciding Lupin deserved to have to clean up the mess after putting Severus through this ordeal.

He waddled into the sitting room and settled on the sofa, folding his arms and tapping his fingers impatiently as he waited for Lupin to return.

Once upstairs, Remus collected two towels and a bottle of the soothing ointment he used to ease his muscles after a transformation. In the bathroom, he filled the large bowl with water, then he carried it carefully down the stairs to the sitting room.

He was pleased that Severus had done as requested, and with a smile, he sat himself on the floor at Severus' feet. Placing one towel on the floor, he put the bowl on it, then reached out to take one of Severus' feet in his hands. Gently he removed Severus' shoe and sock, and then he guided Severus' foot into the warm water.

"Is that too hot?" he asked, glancing up to make certain that Severus wasn't pained by the water.

"No, it's fine," Severus replied, his arms still folded and his bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly since he was determined to remain put-upon. Although the warm water _did_ feel nice and a bit relaxing. Although they hadn't got to the touching part yet, so it probably wouldn't last, he thought grimly.

"Good." Remus took Severus' other foot, stripping it as he had the first and placing it in the bowl as well. Then he rose to his feet, crossing to his phonograph, which he had placed on a side table. While Severus' feet were soaking, Remus picked out a record of soft, soothing classical music and set it to playing. Then he took up his position at Severus' feet again and took the first foot out of the water, patting it dry before scooping up a generous dollop of the ointment.

"Don't think, just feel," Remus said, spreading the ointment over Severus' instep and rubbing it in with smooth, even strokes of his fingers. Carefully, he worked along the top of Severus' foot, his toes and ankle, rubbing about halfway up his calf before coming back down again. He worked in silence, concentrating on keeping his movements soothing rather than provocative, so that Severus would see that Remus kept his word about it being purely for Severus' benefit.

Well, _feeling_ was the problem, wasn't it? Severus grumbled. He had to admit that Lupin's ministrations felt good. Too good. The heat of the water, the soothing music, the feel of Lupin's warm fingers - it all came together to make Severus feel something new and unfamiliar and a little frightening. 

He felt special. 

No one had ever cared whether he was tired after a long day or massaged his feet and tried to help him relax. Yet now here he was, and a part of him wondered if there had somehow been a mistake, and this was meant to be happening to someone else instead. 

His heart constricted when he realized Lupin was making him feel like he _mattered_ , and he didn't know what terrified him more: that this wasn't real and it wouldn't last, or that he was in very real danger of falling in love.

Lupin had barged into his life and turned everything upside-down, and now he was falling for the damned nuisance, he thought with a silent groan. He looked down, studying Lupin, who seemed so familiar and yet so strange at the same time, and suddenly he understood what Lupin meant about having really _seen_ Severus on that night months ago.

He was seeing Lupin as if for the first time, and at that moment, Lupin glanced up and smiled, and that was it. Severus quelled the urge to throw up his hands in disgust at himself for being so foolish, but it was too late. 

He wasn't falling anymore; he had already fallen - hard.

Remus finished up Severus' first foot with a smile into those enigmatic dark eyes, then glanced down to make certain all the ointment had been absorbed. Satisfied, he placed Severus' foot on the floor, then reached for the other. Slowly he gifted it with the same attention, taking pleasure in the thought of giving Severus a little relief from the stress he had been under. He was also touched that Severus was permitting it, and it gave him yet more hope that their relationship might strengthen beyond the tie of the child they had created together.

"There, all done," Remus said as he finished with Severus' other foot. He picked up his wand, tapping the bowl to dispel the water and then looking up at Severus with a hopeful expression. "Did that help? Do you feel more relaxed?"

"A little, I suppose," Severus admitted grudgingly, although he had a twinge of regret that the massage was over; as overwhelming as his realization had been, he wasn't ready to break the tenuous connection just yet.

But he was no good at emotional displays, and part of him was scared witless at the thought of being in love. He needed some time to sort things out and decide what he wanted to do. The only thing he was certain of at the moment was that he wasn't ready for Lupin to know how he felt. 

"Only a little?" Remus asked, rising to his feet and looking down at Severus, his head cocked to one side. "Well, if you would like, I can massage your neck and back as well. But that's up to you, of course. I... I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you to accept things you aren't ready for."

Severus was vastly annoyed at himself for feeling a little surge of glee at the offer; he was _not_ going to turn into a soppy idiot over Lupin, damn it! Thus he mustered a haughty sniff and said in a tone that implied he was conferring a great favor, "Well, perhaps it wouldn't hurt considering I sit in a hard chair all day. That probably isn't good for my back." He paused and then added in a plaintive tone, "Or the baby."

"By all means we have to take care of the baby, and you, too," Remus said. He suppressed the desire to clap his hands in delight at Severus' acquiescence, and instead he merely nodded, giving Severus a considered look. "It'll work better without your robes on," he continued, keeping his expression neutral. "Would you like to do it here, or would you be more comfortable in the bedroom? If you would prefer, I can loan you my pajama bottoms so that you don't feel quite so... Umm... exposed."

Without his robes on? Severus' eyes widened, and his hand flew to clutch his collar as if his clothes would somehow fly off his body on their own. When he agreed to the back massage, it hadn't occurred to him that would mean disrobing, and the thought made him apprehensive, to say the least. He hadn't exposed himself except from the knee down while wearing his nightshirt since they shagged, and he looked much different now.

Not that he was much to look at even when he wasn't pregnant, he thought as he eyed Lupin warily, his mind racing as he tried to decide whether to go through with it or not. What if Lupin thought he was hideous? What if Lupin was repulsed by the sight of him all swollen, his body distorted by a pregnancy that it wasn't designed to accommodate?

He swallowed hard, his mouth going dry, but he pushed himself to his feet at last. If Lupin was going to recoil in horror, it was best if he knew it now before he did something stupid like reveal how he felt. "The bedroom, I think," he said, hoping he wasn't about to make an embarrassing mistake.

Remus noted Severus' discomfort, and he had a feeling about what it might stem from. Certainly if Remus' body had been swollen with child, he might be self-conscious as well, so it was his job to put Severus at ease. Remus knew that Severus was attractive to him, and only more so now that he was swelling with the life they had created. Severus had _nothing_ to be self-conscious about as far as Remus was concerned.

"That will probably be more comfortable," Remus said, giving Severus an encouraging smile. "Why don't I clean up down here, and do the dishes quickly? My pajama bottoms are hanging on the back of the door, if you want to change into them. I'll be up in a few minutes."

Severus nodded and went upstairs to the bedroom, apprehensive but determined. He undressed slowly, stripping down to his underpants, which he kept on; instead of retrieving Lupin's pajamas, however, he chose to fetch his dressing gown, putting it on but not tying it.

He was too big to lie down on his stomach, so Lupin would have to massage his neck and back while he was sitting up anyway, thus he climbed onto the bed and moved to sit in the middle, shifting so that his back was half-turned toward the door. With a shrug of his shoulders, he let the silky garment slide down his arms and pool around his waist, his arms still encased in the sleeves from the elbows down.

Resting his hands on the swell of his stomach, he straightened his spine and bent his head as he gazed down at himself, hoping the sight didn't repel Lupin, his hair falling like a curtain around his face and shoulders. His skin was sallow but smooth, his back a long, clean line, the curve of his belly just visible from that angle. Perhaps if Lupin was introduced to the sight slowly, it wouldn't be too shocking.

It only took Remus a few minutes to clean up, and then he scooped up the ointment and made his way upstairs. He wasn't certain what he was expecting to see, but it wasn't the delectable sight that greeted him. Severus looked positively delicious, and Remus found his mouth dry from a fierce surge of desire that threatened to overwhelm him.

Remus went still, very still as only a lycanthrope could, staring at Severus and trying to force down the wolf, who wanted to pounce on Severus and bite the flesh that was being so temptingly displayed. Severus almost seemed to glow, his skin pale and perfect against the darkness of the sheets, the softly draping fabric of the dressing gown provocatively displaying far more than it concealed.

Swallowing, Remus forced himself to move toward the bed, eyes wide and glowing golden with the desire he couldn't suppress. "I'm probably risking my health by saying this, Severus, but... you look wonderful," he said softly, moving to stand in front of Severus. He wanted so much to take Severus' chin in his hand and tip it up, to make Severus look at him and see that Remus hungered for him. But he was here to take care of Severus, not seduce him, and so Remus moved to kneel behind Severus, opening the jar of ointment once again and placing it on the bed.

It was hard to resist the tempting nape of Severus' neck, so enticingly framed by dark hair. Remus wanted to press a kiss to the tender flesh, then to sink his teeth into it, worrying the skin until Severus gasped and moaned. But instead he reached out, and with a firm but gentle touch, he began to caress the tense muscles, wanting to give Severus relief, wanting him to relax and be comfortable in Remus' presence.

 _It's worth waiting for,_ Remus told himself firmly, although he still took pleasure in the warmth of Severus' skin beneath his fingers. _He is worth waiting for, no matter how long it takes._

Severus felt his face grow warm at Lupin's complimentary words; no one had said anything like that to him when he looked normal, and he didn't expect to hear it now. It was a relief to know that Lupin wasn't appalled, and that alone was enough to help him relax a little.

As Lupin began to massage his neck, he bowed his head even more, unable to hold back a quiet moan as Lupin's strong fingers worked out the knots in his muscles and reduced him to a puddle. He wanted to turn and gather Lupin in his arms out of sheer gratitude for his acceptance, wanted to feel Lupin's hands on more than just his neck and shoulders. Wanted to pull Lupin down and recreate the magic of that first night together.

But that was a dangerous impulse, and he couldn't allow maudlin sentiment to dictate his behavior. Instead, he surreptitiously shifter closer and leaned back, wanting a little more contact.

Remus felt Severus become pliant beneath his hands, and he had to rein in the wolf once again when Severus moaned. The sound was like fuel on the fire of Remus' passion, and he clenched his jaw, exercising every bit of his self control to keep from pushing Severus down on the mattress and bringing them both to exquisite release.

With a mental sigh, Remus continued his slow, firm massage, finding the knots and working at them with gentle persistence until they melted away. When Severus' neck was relaxed, Remus moved to his shoulders, pressing firmly between the sharp blades of scapula and the bumps of Severus' spine. 

It was a form of torture in a way, giving Severus pleasure in a form that must stay platonic, when all Remus wanted to do was follow the path of his hands with lips and tongue and teeth. He wanted Severus' moans to change from ones of relief to ones of passion, to see those dark eyes grow heated with desire as they had once before...

Finally Remus reached Severus' waist, and he stopped, running one hand lightly down Severus' spine before sitting back on his heels. "Is that better?" he asked, voice husky, and he covered the sudden trembling of his hands by resealing the ointment.

"Yes." Severus' voice was low and husky as well, a tremor running down the length of his spine at Lupin's final caress. "Thank you," he added as an after thought, drawing up his dressing gown again. "I feel..." _like I want you to ravish me_ "...more relaxed now."

"Good," Remus replied, sliding off the bed and rising to his feet. He kept his back to Severus, lest Severus see the evidence of Remus' desire and feel that Remus had broken his word. "I'm very glad I could help, Severus. If you ever need... to relax again, all you have to do is tell me. I don't mind giving you a massage, if it helps you. I want to take care of you. I want to..." _make love to you until you scream my name_ "...help you in any way I can."

Finally Remus took a deep breath, turning around to face Severus. "Well, I should go wash this ointment from my hands. I baked a chocolate cake for dessert. Would you like a piece? Or do you want to go on to sleep now?"

"Sleep. While I'm still relaxed." Severus slid off the bed and turned back the covers. He hesitated, and then he shrugged out of his dressing gown and let it slither to the floor without attempting to hide himself for once. Slipping under the covers, he settled onto his side and then glanced uncertainly at Lupin. "You could join me."

Remus didn't need to be asked twice, not when it was _Severus_ asking him to come to bed. He picked up his wand, using a charm to clean his hands rather than wasting him with a trip to the bathroom. He quickly shed his shirt and jeans, then slipped beneath the concealment of the covers. Another wave of his wand extinguished the lights, and then Remus relaxed against the pillows, giving a soft sigh as he moved as close to Severus as he dared.

"Good night, Severus," he murmured, wishing with all his heart that he could kiss Severus as he offered the sentiment. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

Severus woke slowly, aware of something warm and solid pressed against him from behind and gradually waking enough to realize that it was Lupin. Not only was Lupin snuggled up against him, but Lupin had also draped one arm across his waist, and Severus could feel Lupin's breath against the back of his neck, hot and moist on his skin.

Normally Lupin was awake well before Severus was since Severus refused to get up until he absolutely had to, thus this was an unusual occurrence. Severus had no intention of ignoring an opportunity when he saw one, however; if Lupin had overslept, then Severus wasn't going to toss him out of bed.

Instead, he nestled back against Lupin and drew Lupin's arm closer around himself, guiding Lupin's hand to rest on the curve of his belly. Resting in Lupin's embrace felt far more warm and comforting and safe than Severus ever expected it to be, and it unnerved him a little to think how quickly Lupin had burrowed past his defenses. But it had happened, and now Severus found himself in bed, snuggled under a thick down comforter with his spouse on a Saturday morning when they could both afford to be lazy - and he liked it. He wanted more mornings like this one. He wanted them to be _real_.

With a quiet sigh, he relaxed and let himself start to drift off again, determined to enjoy the closeness while it lasted. And if Lupin confronted him about the cuddling, he would say he'd done it in his sleep. That should be safe enough.

Waking was a slow and comfortable process, and Remus gave a sleepy murmur as he cuddled closely against the warm, firm body in his arms. He drew in a deep breath, letting Severus' scent wash over him, stroking his hand lightly over the rounded curve of Severus' abdomen and feeling the baby kick in response. Remus growled, still more than half asleep, the sound one of drowsy contentment at the situation.

As he came closer to consciousness, however, he began to wonder if Severus was going to be pleased to find himself being held in an embrace that was quite intimate; but he decided that if he were going to be damned for it, he might as well take advantage of it. So with another soft, sleepy sound, Remus pressed his lips against the nape of Severus' neck in a gentle kiss.

Severus stirred again and gave a sleepy sigh as he was brought back to wakefulness, and he instinctively shifted closer to Remus. _Lupin_ , his conscious mind reminded him, but he rather thought they were beyond the point of creating artificial distance through his insistent referral to Remus by his last name - at least in the privacy of his own mind.

"If your intent is to molest me in my sleep, it's too late. I'm awake," he murmured, although there was no heat in the words, only drowsy contentment.

The fact that Severus had not only not pushed him away, but had cuddled closer gave Remus - and the wolf - a sense of gratification. Remus dared to stroke Severus' abdomen again, not feigning sleep this time. "I have no desire to molest you when you are asleep, Severus," he said, nuzzling his nose against Severus' neck and giving another pleased growl. "I much would prefer you to be awake and participatory in any molestation. You may even be the molester, rather than the molestee... I'm fine either way."

The vibration of the growl against his back made Severus shudder, and he found himself awash in heat at Remus' words. It was so tempting to roll onto his back and invite that "molestation", to coax out the wolf and let himself be claimed. But something held him back from taking that final step; whether it was residual fear or innate caution motivating him, he wasn't quite ready to reveal so much of himself to Remus. Not yet. They still had plenty of time, and he wanted to be certain he wasn't making a mistake.

"Are you?" Severus murmured, bending his head slightly to offer better access to his neck. "From what I remember of our night together, I would have guessed you prefer to do the molesting. You certainly left _me_ well-ravished that night."

_Oh. God._

Severus had bared his neck, and between that and his purring reminder of their night together, Remus wanted nothing more that to bury his teeth in Severus' skin and bury himself inside Severus' body, to reenact the passionate encounter that had led them to this moment in time. Remus wanted, he _needed_ , and the wolf was clamoring loudly in his head, in his blood, demanding that he take what Severus seemed so willing - even blatant - to offer.

But Remus also remembered the morning after; how, after seducing him, bringing him home, Severus had thrown Remus out on his arse and had not even told him about their child. There had been anger in Severus, and bitterness, and Remus had had to force Severus into marriage just to be allowed the privilege of taking care of Severus during his pregnancy. It was true that they had grown closer, grown more comfortable with each other as of late, but... was it enough? Would Severus throw him out again if they made love and Severus wound up regretting it later? Or what would Severus do if they _didn't_.

It would be easy to explain that they got caught up in a sleep-fogged moment of desire, but far more was at stake than just the pleasure of their bodies, joking references on molestation and ravishing aside. But maybe... maybe that was the key. Severus had been the seducer last time, but Remus had definitely been the aggressor once things got going, and so Severus had been able to push Remus away. It would be much more difficult to do so if the shoe were on the other foot.

"I aim to please," Remus said, kissing Severus' neck again, rather than biting. He sighed with contentment, hand still gently stroking the curve of Severus' belly. "So that means it's your turn, you know. When you are ready to claim me and deal out a little ravishing of your own, I'm here, and ready to be taken."

Severus scowled, contentment replaced by annoyance. How the devil was he supposed to ravish anyone when he couldn't even see his own equipment anymore, much less maneuver it anywhere fun thanks to his stomach? At six months, he was already big, the size of his stomach brought out in sharp relief by the thinness of his body; he hadn't developed breasts or curving hips, thank God, and he had retained his masculine build except for the bulge at his midsection, which was only going to get bigger over the next three months. 

Thumping his pillow with irritation, he shifted, putting some distance between himself and Lupin since there was no point in torturing himself needlessly. What if this was Lupin's excuse for not wanting him? Lying close to one another in bed was one thing; Lupin didn't have to look at him. If they had sex, seeing him naked and having to touch his distorted body were both inevitable no matter who topped or who bottomed. Perhaps for that reason, Lupin wanted to wait until Severus was back to normal.

"Then you've got a long wait," he retorted. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not in any condition to play the role of ravisher." 

He didn't want to, anyway; the memory of how the wolf had come out to claim him was still fresh in his mind, and that was what he'd wanted to relive. His cheeks burned with humiliation, and he was relieved he hadn't given in to his impulse to roll over and offer himself to Lupin. No doubt he would have been politely refused, and then he would have had to hex the hell out of Lupin or storm off to have a hormone-induced cry in the bathroom or possibly both. 

Remus could tell that Severus was annoyed with him, and he didn't want that. "Severus..." he began, sighing and reaching out to touch Severus gently on the shoulder, hoping to explain himself so that Severus wouldn't feel upset with him. "It's not that I don't want you. I do, very much, but... well, last time you kicked me out. I have my own insecurities to deal with too, you know. What if we did make love again, if I took you? Could you promise me that you wouldn't end up regretting it in an hour and tossing me out again?"

"We're married, if you recall, which you should since it was your damned idea in the first place," Severus replied, gritting his teeth as he held himself rigidly away from Lupin. "I can hardly toss you out now, since marriage isn't something we can put behind us, like a one night stand."

It soothed his stung pride that Lupin admitted he wanted Severus, but he was still annoyed, not to mention more than a little frustrated. He had damned good reasons for kicking Lupin out the last time, reasons supported by decades of experience that one night couldn't erase. Still, he supposed if he were in Lupin's shoes, he would be wary as well, and after this conversation, he wasn't about to take the risk of saying, "Yes, I can promise that. I want you to shag me through the mattress because I've fallen in love with you, you stupid, thickheaded Gryffindor bastard", thus they had reached an impasse.

Flinging back the covers, he rolled out of bed and grabbed his dressing gown off the floor, wrapping himself up in its folds and tying it securely before turning to face Lupin again. "It would seem we both have some remaining doubts," he said at last in a calmer tone. "Perhaps it's best if we put the question of sex aside until they are settled."

"Perhaps so," Remus said, flushing and turning his face away so that Severus wouldn't see how much it did hurt that Severus couldn't simply say yes to Remus' question. Severus even said he had remaining doubts of his own, thus it really was for the best. Remus wanted a lifetime with Severus, not another one-night stand, or even a series of them with his own spouse. This was too important to risk, even if the thought of making love to Severus made Remus burn with need.

The quiet contentment of their waking was shattered, and Remus sighed, getting out of bed as well and grabbing up his robes from the chair. "I'll go downstairs and make breakfast," he said, giving Severus a lopsided smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Come down when you are ready."

With that, he went off to the bathroom to change, wondering if loving Severus and caring for him would ever be enough in Severus' eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

The scents of bayberry and evergreen filled the house with a feeling of holiday cheer, and Remus hummed as he stirred a fragrant pot of mulled cider that added its own essence to the air. Christmas was coming soon, and Remus had taken it upon himself to decorate the house, since Severus hadn't mentioned any desire to do so himself.

In fact, it seemed that Severus didn't even own any decorations, at least not from the surveys Remus had made of the cellar and attic. True, he hadn't invaded Severus' workroom, but he highly doubted that there were boxes of tinsel and shiny glass ornaments occupying the areas under the workbenches or mixed in among the jars of boomslang skins on the shelves. Severus just didn't seem like a holiday person, but Remus loved the season, loved the traditions and the music and the feeling of cheer that seemed to infect everyone. Even when he had been destitute, Remus had found that there were riches in smiles and a kind word to those who never received such during the rest of the year.

A pan of gingerbread men lay cooling on the counter, ready for gumdrops and icing to bring their cheerful faces to life. Remus wasn't certain that he could coax Severus into helping to decorate them, but then perhaps he could. Severus hadn't seemed to enjoy a sense of family in the past, but perhaps the imminent arrival of their child would change his mind. Traditions were important for children, and Remus hoped they could start a few of their own for the years to come.

The tree he had bought was small, not because of any lack of money but because he didn't want to overwhelm Severus too much this first - and still somewhat tentative - Christmas they would share. A modest selection of glass balls and fairy lights were ready to grace the thick green branches, and there were even two wrapped gifts hidden upstairs, which Remus looked forward to placing beneath the tree. 

An album of old carols was playing on Remus' phonograph, and there was even a sprig of mistletoe hung in the archway between the sitting room and the kitchen. It was silly, perhaps, to think that Severus might find it a useful excuse to kiss him, but Remus certainly hoped that would be the case. They had reached what Remus felt was a comfortable sort of truce, after the almost disastrous misunderstanding of a few weeks before. Perhaps the truce could become something more now.

 _'Tis the season, after all_ , Remus thought with a smile. _Maybe Severus wouldn't mind a wolf in his stocking._

Strange scents greeted Severus when he walked through the door, and he paused in the entrance hall, frowning with puzzlement. He hadn't smelled anything like this since his last Christmas at Hogwarts, and the scents gave him a nostalgic pang as he remembered how Albus had coerced the staff into helping decorate the school every year.

Severus had put his foot down, allowing decorations in Slytherin House for the sake of the students, but not in his office, private chambers or workroom; Albus had always found a way to sneak in a bit of holly or a wreath or some other small nod to the season, however, and Severus had always accepted it. It was part of their unspoken agreement: Severus grumbled about the damned nuisance of the holiday, and Albus ignored his grumbling and gave him frivolous presents that somehow always ended up being useful too.

Albus had loved Christmas, and while Severus never shared that enthusiasm, he couldn't help but have strong memories that would forever join the scent of pine and Albus Dumbledore's delighted smile.

"What is it about Gryffindors and Christmas?" he muttered as he entered the kitchen and found Lupin fussing over a pot of cider and an army of gingerbread men.

Remus grinned as Severus entered the kitchen, looking slightly abashed at Severus' words. "It's just fun," Remus said, placing the spoon on the counter and reaching for the ladle and cups he had set out in anticipation of Severus' arrival. "I enjoy the decorations, and at least the illusion of peace on earth. It's a season of giving, and even though I've never had a lot to give, I try to do what I can."

He poured a ladleful of cider into a mug, then added a sprinkle of nutmeg and cinnamon before offering the cup to Severus. "Here, try it, Severus. Tell me what it needs?"

Severus sipped the hot liquid gingerly. "It's fine," he said, glancing around and feeling a little out of place. He vaguely remembered having a Christmas tree when he was a small child, but the atmosphere of his home hadn't been one conducive to holiday cheer, and his mother must have lost the will to go through the motions at some point. He couldn't remember there being any decorations or gingerbread men or so much as a Christmas pudding after he was six or seven, but she had given him presents on Christmas morning. Then she died, and there was nothing.

The thought of his mother's presents and Lupin's mention of giving reminded him that he ought to go shopping. He would bet ten galleons Lupin had a present for him or would have soon, because that was the kind of soppy thing Lupin would do. Severus hadn't even thought about buying Christmas presents, but he couldn't turn up empty-handed. He had no idea what kind of gift was appropriate under the circumstances. What did one get for one's spouse in what amounted to an arranged marriage where there was no intimacy? Well, if he couldn't think of anything else, at least he knew chocolate wouldn't go unappreciated.

"I suppose you've put up a tree as well," he added, betting himself another ten galleons that the answer was yes.

Remus grinned. "Er, just a small one," he replied, filling his own mug with cider and taking a sip. He gave a sigh of satisfaction, then inclined his head at the gingerbread men. "Want to help me decorate them, Severus? This _is_ our first Christmas together, after all. And next year we'll have a son or daughter to help us. But this time it will be just the two of us, and that makes it all the more special."

With memories of two people he had cared for and lost rising up so strong, Severus wasn't feeling the specialness or the togetherness. He was, quite inexplicably, feeling lonely. They had reached a sort of unspoken truce after their disagreement a few weeks ago, but he hadn't given in to the temptation to snuggle again, and the issue still hung between them, unresolved. The worst part was he knew he could bridge the gulf by simply telling Lupin the truth: he wanted to be dragged upstairs and ravished, and he would _not_ toss Lupin out on his ear immediately afterward. Lupin was probably just waiting for him to do it.

He couldn't make himself take that step, though; the words shriveled and died in his throat, and fear smothered him until he could barely breathe, much less speak when he thought about trying. Thus it was his fault that they were having a first Christmas as a married couple that wasn't really a Christmas together at all. There was no closeness, no intimacy, just two people in a house, and that made him feel even more alone. 

"I don't know how," he said at last, looking at the rows of naked gingerbread men. "I've never done it before."

"I'll show you," Remus said softly, seeing the melancholy on Severus' face and wanting to ease it. Severus seemed so alone, so _lost_ , almost, and it cut Remus through the heart. "It's not hard. In fact, it's kind of fun."

Remus smiled reassuringly, then put down his mug and picked up the bag of icing he had prepared earlier. He beckoned Severus over to the pan of cooled brown figures. "Like this, Severus," he said, piping out little dots of icing on the face, then down the front. Setting the bag down, he reached into a bowl and picked out several gumdrops, pressing them into the icing for eyes and buttons.

"See, nothing to it," he said, picking up the cookie and holding it up for Severus' inspection. "What do you think?"

Putting his mug aside, Severus watched the process and studied the cookie Lupin held up, and then he picked up the bag of icing, applying it with the same fastidious precision with which he approached preparing ingredients for a potion.

He was annoyed with himself for giving in to maudlin sentimentality and with his hormones for exacerbating the problem, and at least doing this would give him something to focus on other than the ache inside him. He could have retreated to his workroom, but Lupin was making an effort to include him, even if it was in an activity that he wasn't particularly interested in, and he suspected being alone might make him feel worse rather than better, as odd as that seemed to him.

Placing the bag on the counter, he selected color-coordinated gum drops, ignoring the red ones in favor of giving the cookie all green buttons. "There," he said, lifting his hand to lick the sugary gum drop residue off his fingers. 

Remus wanted nothing more than to be the one to put Severus' long, slender fingers between his lips and lick off the sugary coating, but he didn't think the gesture would go over very well at this point. So instead he smiled, nodding his approval of Severus' job. "See, nothing to it, right? You did a great job, Severus. Now we only have ten more to go."

Remus picked up the icing bag, quickly doling out the decorations on five of the men, before offering the bag to Severus. He decorated his with a variety of colors, amused at Severus' Slytherin color scheme. When he finished, he stepped back to watch Severus' clever movements. "Now we let them dry and harden, before we put them on the tree. Did you want to see the tree? It's small, since I didn't want to overwhelm you. I set it up in the sitting room."

Severus went to the sink to wash his hands and glanced at Lupin as he dried them. "You bought decorations already, I take it?" Either that, or there was a bare tree in the sitting room if Lupin was waiting for him to help pick them out, because Severus certainly didn't have any ornaments, not so much as a single strand of tinsel.

"I bought a few. Certainly we can buy more if you'd like," Remus said, turning and heading toward the sitting room. In the archway of the kitchen, he stopped, however, then looked over his shoulder to give Severus a mischievous smile. "I also did another bit of decorating. It's traditional, after all." 

With that, Remus pointed up at the mistletoe, his eyes sparkling with good humor.

Severus was about to say he didn't care about the damned ornaments when Lupin stopped and pointed up, and Severus spotted the mistletoe. He froze, not knowing what to do. He had confiscated countless sprigs of mistletoe during his tenure at Hogwarts since the students tended to use it as an excuse to attach themselves to each other at the face at every given opportunity, but he had never been caught under it himself.

Now that he had been, his first impulse was to run. Why had Lupin put that damned stuff up there in the first place? To give Severus yet another opportunity to do and say the wrong thing and make things worse? And hadn't Lupin said it was up to Severus to be the "ravisher"? Severus thought that meant Lupin intended to wait until he made the first move, but now Lupin was standing under the mistletoe as if waiting to be kissed. 

Melancholy gave way to pride, and he stiffened his spine, bracing himself. If he refused to kiss Lupin, that would add to the tension between them and make things worse, which would be his fault. Again. However, he didn't have to try to excavate Lupin's tonsils, either. There was middle ground, and he intended to take it.

Stepping forward, he bent and brushed his lips against Lupin's in a light, brief kiss.

Remus watched while Severus hesitated, obviously mulling over whether to kiss Remus or not, and Remus drew in a breath in preparation to tell Severus not to worry, that he had merely been teasing, not trying to cause Severus any problems. But then he saw Severus straighten with determination, before Severus stepped closer and pressed his lips to Remus'.

An electric shock seemed to course over Remus, and his eyes flew wide before darkening to gold. That brief kiss seemed to ignite every nerve ending in his body, making him achingly aware of Severus, of the fact that they were closer now than they had been in weeks. Remus raised a hand, knowing that he was taking a chance of angering Severus, but _needing_ to prolong that contact. Cupping Severus' chin in his palm, Remus leaned closer, eyes closing as he kissed Severus back, a firm press of lips to which he couldn't help adding a brief flick of tongue for a fleeting taste of Severus' lips.

Severus' breath hitched, and his entire body tightened, intense heat detonating in the pit of his stomach at the flick of Lupin's tongue against his lips. He knew it was foolish and dangerous, but he wanted more, _needed_ more. Suddenly, desire was overruling his good sense as it had that night months ago, and he found himself grabbing Lupin's shoulders and pushing him back against the door frame, staring down at him with dark eyes gleaming with arousal. 

_Mistake mistake MISTAKE_ , his mind was screaming at him, but it was too late. His hormones were surging, and lust burned in his blood as he returned for a deep, demanding kiss, parting his lips in a silent invitation.

Remus groaned as his back hit something solid, his brain too fogged with lust to even care what it was. Severus was filling his vision, filling all of his senses, the scent of arousal so thick in the air that Remus could taste it. Then Severus was kissing him again, parting his lips in a way that Remus couldn't resist. The groan escalated to a growl as he fisted his hands in Severus' robes, pulling Severus closer and pushing his tongue into Severus' mouth, invading, exploring, tasting and feeling as he had wanted to do for months. 

The wolf rose up within Remus, strong, fierce, and undeniable, overwhelming him with the need to possess Severus, to stake his claim on the body that was swelling with his child. Remus wanted Severus, the wolf wanted Severus, and the cautious progress of the last several weeks was thrown unheeded to the winds, overcome by a tidal wave of passion and raw, aching need.

Remus wasn't aware of moving, but somehow they must have, for he was suddenly pushing Severus down onto the thick carpet of the sitting room, looming over Severus and staring down into his eyes. "I want you, Severus. Now. Right now," he muttered thickly, hands clawing at the front of Severus' robes and sending buttons flying across the room, before he leaned down and claimed Severus' mouth once again, kissing him as though he were a starving man, and Severus was a feast. 

Moaning, Severus arched against Lupin's greedy hands, too far gone with need to care about modesty as his robes fell open and he was laid bare to Lupin's view. His skin ached with the need to be touched, and only Lupin's hands could soothe it. He fumbled with the fastenings of Lupin's robes, growling with frustration when his shaking fingers couldn't work them fast enough, and he pushed his hands beneath the folds of fabric, molding his palms to the warm, solid flesh he found beneath.

He surrendered his mouth to the kiss, matching Lupin's desperate hunger with equal measure, unable to silence the soft moans and cries rising in his throat as Lupin claimed him. He could feel the ferocity of the wolf, and it called to him, bringing out the dark wildness within him as he hooked one long leg around Lupin's waist and rocked his hips up, letting Lupin feel the intensity of his need.

"Yes, now..." Severus wanted to be claimed by the wolf again, wanted to feel teeth in his flesh, wanted to feel the wolf's need for him and him alone. 

Severus' hunger was driving Remus almost past the point of sanity, but he held on to enough human thought to pull his wand, banishing their clothing before slapping Severus' hip and muttering the preparatory spells. The feeling of Severus' leg around his waist and the hard press of Severus' desire against his skin made the wolf wild with hunger, and Remus gave in to it, letting it consume them both.

"MINE!" he growled harshly, before sinking his teeth into the tender flesh of Severus neck and driving forward with his hips, claiming Severus completely. The growl continued as he reached between their bodies, curling a hand around Severus and continuing to growl as he moved, wanting to hear the delicious sounds Severus made as he came undone.

Severus threw his head back with an ecstatic cry as Remus bit down on his throat and claimed him, the slide of hot, damp skin against his an almost unbearable pleasure. Groaning, he wound his arms around Lupin, raking his nails down the length of Lupin's back as he rocked with Lupin, matching the rhythmic roll of his hips.

"Yours. I'm yours." The words were more than half-moan as he surrendered his body to Lupin's possession, welcoming each rough, demanding thrust, and his low moans escalated to a wild cry as he let go, swept up in a crashing wave of pleasure engulfing him.

Remus watched hungrily as Severus shattered, eagerly drinking in the sight of Severus at the height of pleasure. It was a rapturous vision, and it caused Remus to moan as his own pleasure spiked, hot and fierce, rolling over him in pulses of pure ecstasy.

Breathing hard, Remus stared down at Severus, before leaning down to press his lips against Severus' in a gentle kiss. The wolf, sated, had retreated, and now Remus faced what they had done with a feeling of concern. He moved to one side, watching Severus' expression carefully, before picking up his wand and casting a cleaning charm on them. Then he cuddled close to Severus' side, running one hand lightly over the curve of Severus' abdomen.

"I told you I thought you looked wonderful, Severus," he said softly, his hand coming to rest on Severus' warm skin. "Beautiful and perfect." He raised up, propping his head on his free hand and looking down at Severus with eyes that couldn't conceal his worry. "I hope... you don't regret it."

"Regret _that_?" Severus gazed up at Lupin, his eyes half-lidded with satiation. "Don't be stupid, Lupin. Besides, did you or did you not say you would do anything to fulfill any needs or desires I might have?"

"I did," Remus replied, leaning down to nuzzle his nose against Severus' temple, relief washing over him in a palpable wave. Pulling back again, he smiled, a smile that was pure, calculated evil. "So... do you have any other needs or desires that I might fulfill, hmmm? Ones that might involve me carrying you up to the bedroom and helping you to make those utterly delightful sounds again?"

Severus stretched languidly, feeling less self-conscious about his appearance; now that Lupin had seen him undressed and hadn't been repulsed, he was more at ease. The fact that he was replete with satiation likely helped as well, he thought with a trace of smugness.

"I do desire that," he said, his voice a lazy purr. "I believe I shall need such activity on a regular basis from now on."

Remus' breath caught as he watched Severus stretch sensuously, the words and Severus' seductive tone putting all his fears about their lovemaking to rest. He continued to smile as he rolled up to his knees, reaching down to scoop Severus up into his arms. Then he rose to his feet, making his way toward the stairs, intent on following through with his promise.

"Regular exercise is supposed to be good for someone who is pregnant," Remus said, eyes glittering ferally as he contemplated just what that exercise would entail. "So I give you fair warning that I fully intend that you shall be the best-exercised pregnant person on the planet."

Severus felt heat bloom within him anew at the display of Lupin's strength, and he wound his arms around Lupin's shoulders, relaxed and content. "I would expect no less. For the good of the baby, of course," he said dryly.

"Of course," Remus replied. Severus could keep the illusion of being "above it all", and Remus wouldn't mind. Severus had, at the height of passion, said that he belong to Remus. And Remus was now more than convinced that it was so.

* * *

As soon as Severus arrived home, he went straight upstairs rather than to the kitchen to see what Lupin had fixed for dinner; he had presents to hide, and he wanted to get them secreted away where Lupin wouldn't find them before he got caught. Lupin's brightly wrapped presents for Severus were under the tree, but Severus had decided to let Lupin wait and wonder whether there would be any presents for him come Christmas morning to make it more of a surprise.

He carried his packages into the bedroom and looked around, considering his options. The dresser drawers weren't big enough. Under the bed was too open and exposed a space. That only left the wardrobe. He supposed he could hide them in his workroom, but if Lupin went snooping for presents, that would likely be the first place he looked because he _wasn't_ supposed to go in there.

At least, that would be the first place Severus would look were their positions reversed, although he supposed he ought not expect a Gryffindor to think like a Slytherin. Then again, Lupin's schoolboy antics showed he wasn't afraid to go poking around in forbidden places, thus Severus decided to avoid the obvious hiding place and hide the presents in the wardrobe instead.

He opened it up and peered at the top shelf, frowning when he saw a box that he didn't remember putting up there. One of Lupin's, he assumed. He reached up and pulled it down, examining it with idle curiosity. It was a small lacquered box, not big enough for shoes, more like something in which one stored personal effects.

His curiosity grew, and he opened the lid, wondering what sorts of things Lupin might consider personal keepsakes; he expected to see trinkets left over from younger days, but instead he found a sheaf of letters, none of which had the aged, yellowed look of old parchment. A puzzled frown creased his brow as he carried the box over to the dresser and set it down, sifting through the letters and picking one at random, noting it was dated shortly after their marriage.

_...it's odd how when I came back from Albania, I had so many hopes and dreams of us being together at last. I thought that the physical distance between us was the biggest barrier, but, ironically, I was wrong. We are closer now than ever before, but never has the separation seemed greater between where we are and where I wish that we could be. Together, that is, with nothing standing between us except our feelings for each other. Not because I must, but because I love..._

Severus felt the blood draining from his face, and he clenched the letter in his fist, crumpling it as white hot anger rose up within him. 

That bastard!

Lupin had _dared_ push him into this marriage and made him feel as if _he_ were the one posing all the obstacles when all along Lupin was in love with someone else! Probably Tonks, he thought with murderous fury.

Storming downstairs, he burst into the kitchen, roaring at the top of his lungs, hell-bent on taking out his hurt and indignation on Lupin's hide. "LUPIN! You duplicitous bastard, how long has this been going on?" he demanded, waving the letter under Lupin's nose. "Are you still seeing her? Shagging her? Are you running off with her after the baby is born? Or maybe you're planning to divorce me and take the child to raise it in a so-called 'normal' family. Over my dead body," he snarled, swooping down and fixing Lupin with the full effect of his most dire glare. "I'll kill her myself before I let her or anyone else take this baby."

Dropping the letter, he fisted his hands in the front of Lupin's robes, giving him a shake. "How dare you lie to me and make me think you cared! All along, you've been fooling me into believing you wanted this to be a real marriage - that you want _me_ , not just our baby - and then I find out it's been a lie. Pack your things and get out! I never want to see you again!" he declared, releasing Lupin's robes and pushing him backward, wanting Lupin as far away from him as possible. 

Remus had heard Severus come in, and he had smiled, continuing with the dinner preparations with a light heart. Life had been so good since they had begun making love, and he had come to think of their marriage as a real one now. They weren't totally open to each other emotionally - or rather, Severus wasn't - but that was Severus' nature, and Remus accepted it. Severus needed space, and Remus was certain that with time, the affection and apparent need Severus felt for him would deepen into love. 

Severus normally changed after work, and so Remus didn't think anything of the delay before his heightened hearing picked up the sound of Severus coming down the stairs. The tread was fast and heavy, though, as though Severus were rushed, and Remus hastily put down the plates on the table, taking a step toward the door to find out why Severus was in such a hurry. But when Severus burst into the kitchen, Remus was shocked to be confronted with Severus in a full, righteous fury, spouting something about Remus and some woman.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, too stunned by the swiftness and violence of the confrontation to do much of anything to defend himself. He didn't resist as Severus shook him, only staring bewildered into Severus' flushed, furious face. "Woman? What woman? I haven't shagged a woman in... God. Years, Severus! What has gotten into you? I do care about you!"

The paper Severus had been waving furiously under Remus' nose had dropped to the floor, and Remus bent, scooping it up, certain that there was some misunderstanding. Maybe someone had written to Severus, saying that they had seen Remus with a woman. Despite his aid in the war, Remus still had people who didn't like him; maybe someone who was upset about him having married Severus and the imminent arrival of their child was trying to stir up trouble.

Unfolding the parchment, Remus looked at it, flushing as he recognized the letter he had written Severus the day after their marriage, the one he had been too cowardly to give Severus at the time. Remus had saved it, and several other letters, too, ones in which he had poured out his feelings for Severus. None of them had been delivered, of course, but Remus couldn't bring himself to throw them away. He had hopes that someday he could give them to Severus, to show Severus just how long he had been in love.

"It wasn't a woman I was writing to, Severus. It was you," he said quietly, looking up to meet Severus' eyes. "I wrote this the day after our marriage. I... had - have - feelings for you. I just... at that point, I couldn't tell you. I was afraid you would throw me out again if you knew that I was in love with you before I ever came back from Albania."

"You expect me to believe that rubbish?" Severus sneered, drawing himself up to his full height, wrapping himself in a shield of icy disdain. "A one night stand does not generate instant love, Lupin, and I am not a romantic fool easily beguiled by sweet words. Spare me more of your lies and get out! This marriage is over!"

"I expect you to believe it because it's true!" Remus said, sudden pain and icy fear stabbing through him, and he looked at Severus in agony. "Please, Severus, you have to believe me! I want you, I want our child, I want _us_ , as a family! And I've always been attracted to you, why else do you think I went with you so willingly that night? I don't get drunk and shag people, I never have. I wanted you. The _wolf_ wanted you. Just as I want you now, and I always will."

Remus took a step closer, holding up a hand in entreaty. "Severus... It's the truth, I swear it! Please don't say it's over. Please, Severus... I love you. I can't live without you, not any more."

Severus wavered, torn between the dictates of his head and the yearning of his heart. He wanted to reach out and clasp Lupin's hand, wanted to draw Lupin into his arms and say that he believed every word. He _wanted_ to believe Lupin; he wanted to believe that Lupin did love him. He wanted Lupin, plain and simple. His broken heart ached for Lupin, the only person he had ever - would ever - love.

But he drew back, pride and anger refusing to let him give in to weakness. He couldn't forget the contents of that letter, sentiments that no one in their right mind would write to someone like him, and he couldn't bring himself to believe that Lupin had been harboring affection for him that long. It simply didn't make sense, not according to Severus' experience.

It felt as if a piece of him was dying, but he forced himself to point to the door, his expression implacable. "Go," he said hoarsely, fighting to remain impervious to Lupin's pleas. 

"Severus, no, _PLEASE_ ," Remus said, starting to feel panicked. "I don't want to leave you! Why won't you believe me? Why would I want anyone when I have you?" He would beg, he would plead... but he couldn't - wouldn't - leave.

Severus gaped at him, stunned into silence - until his fury erupted in full force once more. His face grew flushed, and a vein throbbed in his temple as he clenched his shaking fists by his sides in an effort to keep from lashing out magically or physically.

"WHAT KIND OF FOOL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, LUPIN?" he roared. "Do you really think I'm so gullible that I would believe you would choose someone like me if you had other, better options - like whoever you wrote that letter to? I know my worth - the lesson has been driven home time and again by my father, by you and your friends, by Albus and the Order, by the Dark Lord. Why _would_ I believe you? I was right all along - you only want me because of the baby. That's the only reason why anyone would ever want me - because they can use me or because I have something they want. I thought you were different, but I was wrong, now GET OUT, DAMN YOU!"

Remus blanched, his face turning utterly white at the venom Severus was throwing at him with such hatred in his voice. Even more than he was worried for their relationship, however, he was worried for Severus and the baby. The way Severus' vein throbbed showed that Severus' blood pressure had probably spiked dangerously high, posing a risk to both him and their child. As much as Remus didn't want to go, he was upsetting Severus more, and with a feeling of agony, he decided that he would have to leave, because he couldn't bear to be the cause, wrongfully or not, of anything happening to the two most important people in his life.

"All right, I'll go," he said, his voice hollow with defeat. His shoulders slumped, and he turned away to depart, misery welling up and causing his throat to grow tight. All he could hope was that Severus would calm down and talk to him eventually. There was no reasoning with him for now.

He reached the door to the foyer, then something occurred to him. It probably wouldn't make a difference, but he had to try. For the sake of his love for Severus, he had to try.

Turning to face Severus across the width of the kitchen, Remus looked at the man he loved with eyes full of pain and grief. "Look inside your wedding ring, Severus. Think about what's written there, and then someday, when you can accept the truth, let me know."

With that, he turned away, heart aching and eyes burning with the tears he refused to shed.

Confused, Severus stared at Lupin's retreating back for a moment before he finally shook himself out of his stupor. He hadn't removed his ring since the day Lupin placed it on his finger, but he twisted it off now and held it up to the light, trying to figure out what Lupin was blathering about.

There on the inside in small, thin script were the same words he had seen in the letter: "Not because I must, but because I love".

Oh, God... it was true. The letters were for him. Lupin - Remus did love him. Him, of all people. He didn't know how it had happened or what he'd done to deserve it, but he had to accept that it was true. For the first time in his life, he was loved for himself alone. 

Slipping the ring back onto his finger, he rushed to catch up with Remus and clasped his arm, stopping him before he could leave. "Remus." His voice was low and shaky, and he had to force the words past the dryness in his throat. His heart was pounding, but he couldn't afford to give in to pride or apprehension, not now when he was on the brink of losing what he wanted most.

"Remus, don't go. I was wrong." The words cost him; he wasn't at all accustomed to speaking them, but he knew he had to make the admission when he saw the pain in Remus' eyes, knowing he put it there. "I want you to stay with me."

Remus halted when he heard his name, shock at hearing Severus call him by his given name for the first time freezing him in place. And then Severus was there, turning him around, and Remus stared up into the dark eyes he adored, searching Severus' face in disbelief.

"You believe me? You want me to stay?" he asked, hope swelling in his heart, replacing the cold emptiness he had been feeling at the thought that he might have lost any chance with Severus forever. He reached up, almost tentative, to place his hands on Severus' shoulders. Then he gave a lopsided smile, shaking Severus lightly. "Stubborn git," he said fondly, before pulling Severus into a hard embrace. "You'll drive me insane, but I can't help but love you."

With that he pressed his lips against Severus', love and relief and longing surging up within him, his heart filled to overflowing with the knowledge that Severus finally accepted his love and wanted Remus to remain.

Fighting the urge to sag with relief, Severus wound his arms around Remus and returned the kiss gently, grateful that his temper hadn't ruined everything for good. He could scarcely believe that Remus had loved him for so long, but the evidence was there on his finger, undeniable, and for the first time, Severus no longer felt the need to guard his own heart so closely.

Placing his finger beneath Remus' chin, he tipped it up and met Remus' gaze, letting Remus see his heart mirrored his eyes. "As if you don't drive me mad on a daily basis, idiot werewolf," he replied, although the grumbling was affectionate this time. "But I like the way you fulfill my needs, thus I suppose I'll keep you."

An abrupt kick to his ribs made him gasp, and he pressed one hand to his side to soothe the pain. The kicking continued, and he clasped Remus' hand, guiding it to the spot and pressing their joined hands against it. "Our little Quidditch player approves, I think."

Remus wanted to melt at the love he read in Severus' eyes; even if Severus never said the words, Remus could read the truth of it now in Severus' glance. It didn't seem quite real that they had nearly lost each other, and now it had turned around, the truth coming out at last. His heart swelled with happiness, and he pressed close to Severus, never wanting to let Severus go.

"I want you to keep me, and I want to keep you," Remus replied, voice husky, but his smile was bright and his eyes soft with love. He chuckled as Severus pressed his hand against his abdomen, rubbing lightly and with wonder at the evidence of their child, sheltered safe within Severus' body. "He - or she - can well approve. After all, twice the parents means twice the love, right?"

Severus slid his free arm around Remus' shoulders, enjoying the feel of Remus leaning against him and of Remus rubbing his stomach, but he mustered a snort and rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you to come up with such a soppy notion," he said. Deep down, however, he was pleased that all doubts had been assuaged, and their marriage would be a real one - their family would be a real one - at last.

* * *

**EPILOGUE:**

Walking as though he were carrying the most precious item in the universe - as, in fact, he was - Remus entered Severus' hospital room, amber eyes immediately going to the bed to see if Severus was awake yet. When he saw dark eyes gazing back, Remus smiled, walking up to the bed and sinking down in the chair which had been placed next to it.

"I've brought you a visitor, Severus," he murmured, leaning over to kiss Severus lightly and lovingly on the lips, before holding up the blanket-wrapped bundle with obvious happiness and pride. "You did a good job, Severus... he's a beautiful, healthy little boy."

Severus was still a little muzzy-headed from the pain potion the Healers had given him before they performed the operation to remove the baby, but not so much that he couldn't push himself upright, eager to see their son. His back had begun hurting during the night, but he hadn't realized he was going into labor until the contractions began that morning. It had only taken a couple of pangs to hit before he began yelling for Remus to get him to the hospital, and the Healers had quickly administered a potion to relieve the pain before he terrorized the entire maternity ward.

He reached out and nudged the blanket aside so he could see the red, scrunched-up face hidden within, gazing at it in wonder. "A boy..." he murmured, and then he glanced at Remus, pleased to see the pride in Remus' eyes. "We have a son."

The realization that he really was a parent now hit him, giving him a pang of apprehension, but he shrugged it off. He wouldn't be raising his child - _their_ child - alone. He had a spouse, and now he had a family. _He_ had a family - something he never expected in his wildest fantasies. But thanks to Albus, he was indeed no longer alone.

"A wonderful, perfect son," Remus amended, stroking a finger over the unbelievably soft skin of the baby's cheek. Immediately the little head turned, mouth seeking, and Remus chuckled. He reached into a pocket of his robe, pulling out the bottle the mediwitch at the nursery had given him, saying that no doubt he would be hungry fairly quickly.

"Do you want to feed him?" Remus asked, offering Severus the bottle. "I can prop him up, so that no weight is on your abdomen. And... we never settled on a name, you know. We have to do that before we leave the hospital."

Severus accepted the bottle with alacrity and shifted to make room for Remus on the bed. Once Remus was settled beside him and the baby was settled in his arms, he brushed the nipple of the bottle against the baby's lips, amused at how quickly that rosebud mouth latched on and began to suck vigorously. It also made him grateful that he hadn't grown a pair of lactating breasts, he thought with a little wince.

"As much as I would like to honor him for giving me a double gift, I cannot in good conscience saddled a poor, innocent child with the name Albus," he said, watching the baby with rapt fascination. How tiny he was! And Severus thought he saw a strong resemblance to Remus, thank God.

"He had other names... Percival, Wulfric, and Brian," Remus said, watching in fascination as Severus fed the baby, touched by the tender loving care Severus was displaying. "Can you live with one of those? We could make it a middle name, even; I'm sure that Albus would understand."

Severus nestled against Remus' side, leaning against him, enjoying the warm, solid comfort of Remus' presence. "Wulfric would be appropriate, considering who fathered him, but that also isn't a first name I want to give him."

He fell silent as he continued to feed the baby, thinking about the books he had read throughout his pregnancy and the lists of names they had provided. He had chosen a few that seemed appropriate, including one that meant "gift", which was most certainly what he had been given.

"Iain Wulfric," he said, and it seemed as if the baby diverted its attention from its bottle to spare a glance for him, although Severus suspected it was likely the sound and feel of his voice vibrating in his chest that did it. Still, it seemed like an auspicious sign, and he looked to Remus for confirmation. "What do you think?"

"I like it," Remus said, wrapping one arm around Severus' shoulders and gazing down at their wonderful child, the child they had made together... with a little help from a meddling old wizard who Remus could well imagine was watching them from Somewhere, no doubt with a twinkle in his blue eyes and a smile curving his lips. Remus owed Albus more than he could ever repay, but hopefully in his small namesake, the remembrance of the wonderful things Albus had done would live on.

"Welcome, Iain Wulfric," he said, brushing one finger lightly down the baby's cheek. "Welcome, and know that you are loved."

"He isn't the only one," Severus murmured, stifling a yawn as he rested his head on Remus' shoulder. The potion still hadn't worn off, relaxing him and lowering his inhibitions, and the words slipped out before he had a chance to censor them. But he was too content to care; there would be time to snark later when they were at home and Severus wasn't drugged, when they were exhausted from middle of the night feedings and changings, when they barely had enough time to sleep much less indulge in any intimacy.

For now, however, all was peaceful, and for the first time he could remember, Severus was more than content; he was happy, and he wasn't alone. Even after Iain grew up, he wouldn't be alone because he had Remus, too, and he wondered if perhaps Albus saw this coming all along.


End file.
